Play the game
The first thing to know when you’re looking to pick up a woman on Craig’s List, or anywhere, really, is that you’re playing a game. Even if you don’t think you’re playing a game, you are. So you might as well figure out the rules you’re playing by. The challenge is that not everyone plays the same game. Lots of people get bitter about this – I can’t say how many men have responded to my ads by saying, “I don’t play games, so you shouldn’t, either.” That’s simply not realistic. The very act of placing an ad on a personals site – any personals site – is the opening move in a game. When you write me an email, you’re engaging me and getting the game going.
Calling it a game doesn’t mean it’s not real. Your game doesn’t have to be faked. It doesn’t have to be deceptive, manipulative or ugly. Some people will object to calling it a game at all, thinking that terminology implies putting on an act rather than being sincere. This couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, I will never advocate being fake. There’s nothing worse, in the game of picking people up, than putting on a false front, because that gives you nowhere to go. If you’ve lied about yourself or what you want in order to get the girl, then the girl has gone for someone who isn’t you, and she’s interested in something that you don’t really want. Way to go.
Thinking about the pickup as a game may help you not to take it too seriously, which is important, because your odds aren’t good. When I post an ad, either in casual encounters or in w4m, I get over 100 responses, and the men who will hear back from me are those who can set themselves apart, catch my eye, and engage me in conversation. This is the game: how you set yourself apart, make yourself interesting, and draw me out. Approach it playfully and with good humor.
As in any game, you win some and you lose some, and that’s just the way it goes. If you’re looking for external validation in hookups, CL will burn you the hell out. Anytime you’re looking for your own self worth through other people, it’s bound to go badly, and that’s true whether you’re online or in person.
You don’t have to put on an act, and if you do put on an act, in my observation, it won’t hold together long enough for you to get into my bed. The game isn’t about faking it; it’s about figuring out what you want, finding someone who wants the same thing, and managing to put the two together.
My best advice is this:
Be yourself, be confident in yourself and who you are. Don’t put on some shitty act and try to be who you think she wants you to be. Just be real.
I know lots of women say this, and I’ve heard men say that’s not what we really want, because they’ve tried it and it doesn’t work for them. Here’s my response to that: First, if you’re trying to be real so someone will be into you, you are, by definition, not being real. Second, the reason you should be real isn’t so you can get chicks; it’s so you can be happy and complete in yourself. Third, once you’re happy and complete in yourself – really, truly, deeply – being real won’t be effort, and you’ll find picking up women will be both less important and much easier.
