Sending photos and pic collectors
My plan was that today's post would expound on the benefits of reasonable self-esteem, but Cos pointed out in a comment on yesterday's post something that I neglected to mention in my discussion of to send or not to send pictures when you email someone on CL. Look for the esteem post tomorrow.
Ahh, but what about the other problem with sending photos: not wanting dishonest posters to collect your photo and possibly send it around or post it without your knowledge? How do you find out the person on the other side is really looking for a hookup rather than just collecting photos? Here, I guess you have to guess too, since you're real and may not know what the photo collectors are thinking or how they will act.
It's true; a pic is not proof of anything, and sending a photo of yourself does mean a leap of faith that the person at the other end of the communication is both for real and on the up-and-up. Once your picture is on the net, it's impossible to control who uses it and for what purposes. I suggest that you should not send a photo that would embarrass you if it ended up in an email to your parents or boss, especially not in a first contact.
This is a case where reasonable skepticism is in order. If you're not sure that the ad you're responding to is for real, and you're concerned about who sees your picture and in what context, you will probably not want to send a photo with your first email. If you work in a high-visibility, politically-sensitive job, you would be wise to be cautious on this front. Or if you're just generally privacy-minded, there's no harm in not sending a photo. As I said yesterday, I run at about half and half with photos and without, so you won't stand out as paranoid or weird if you don't include one.
On the flip side, just because you get a photo doesn't mean you're guaranteed that's who you're talking to. This is important for both men and women to remember. There are an infinite number of photos of attractive people available online, and any jerk can pass one off as him- or herself.
On this issue, you should consider all the potential benefits and disadvantages of sending a photo, and decide for yourself where your comfort lies. You may decide that some posts are real-seeming enough that you're willing to risk it, or you may conclude that it's never worth the risk. Or perhaps you're not concerned at all and you'll send a photo with every email. Any of these choices is fine, so long as you've considered the risks.
