What if I'm ugly?
I said on Saturday, with regards to women who don't respond to men who they think are out of their league that it's not that "I don't think unattractive people should get laid but because I don't have a lot of patience for people who rate themselves so poorly."
This isn't related to gender -- my views on this apply irrespective of your sex or sexual orientation. If you think that someone is out of your league, they are. If you think they're in your league, you may or may not be correct, but at least you have a shot. That lack of confidence is a killer, and it will automatically limit your options, not because of anything about how to look or how smart you are but because of how you present yourself.
People who are insecure tend to apologize for themselves, talk down about themselves and generally act self-effacing. I hate that. Truly, I have very little patience for it, whether in friends, lovers or random hookups. You don't have to be in People Magazine's top 50 beautiful people list in order to land in bed with someone, even someone very attractive, because there's a lot more to how attractive someone is than their physical beauty.
Women who are flat-chested, fat, very tall, without a waist, or any number of other characteristics that are socially less desirable as traits of physical beauty will find that there are men out there who are into whatever they have going. Trust me on this. Men who are short, scrawny, weak, fat, or hairy will also find that there are women who like their look. You don't need everyone to think you're the bees knees, just a few here or there. You will increase your odds significantly if you're not constantly apologizing through word, gesture and deed for being imperfect.
If you're looking for that external validation of your worth, you're doomed. I have slept with some guys who were not that much to look at but whose attitude was beautiful. This even matters for a hookup, because a man who carries himself with confidence is going to be more fun to fuck than the one who thinks it would be better if we turned the lights out.
I don't fit the Hollywood-dictated standard of beauty, by a long shot, but I've slept with men who are model-beautiful because I have confidence in myself, both physically and as a package.
Yes, being physically attractive is a bonus and makes life easier in all kinds of ways, including picking people up, but it's not the be-all and end-all unless you treat it that way.
