ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

Ever since my very first post to CL, when I got 150+ responses to three lines of text, I've been enamored of the casual encounters section. Not only has it provided me a steady stream (cough) of entertainment, some excellent bedroom fun, and a lot of great gossip, but on top of all that, I have amassed quite a collection of pictures of men's equipment.

I have enough pictures of penises to start a porn site, if there were a market for action-less amateur photographs of pensises. If there is such a market, please don't tell me about it.

I have pictures of black cocks, brown cocks, white cocks and one cock that looks like it was painted blue. I have pictures of big cocks and little cocks, cocks from above, from the side, from below, standing, sitting, erect, semi-erect and flaccid. I have pictures of veiny cocks and smooth ones, cocks in the hand and cocks in the wild. I have pictures of cut cocks and uncut cocks, curved ones and straight. I have pictures of cocks next to rulers, beer bottles, shampoo bottles (yes, really), rolls of quarters and, perhaps most bizarrely, an unrolled condom. I could write a Dr. Seussian book about all the cock shots I have.

But I have some news for all these cocks, and for the men attached to them: No woman is going to respond to your email because you sent her a picture of your dick. No matter how beautifully proportioned, how gracefully arched, how impressively, mouth-wateringly, eyebrow-raisingly endowed you are, the woman reading that email is going to wonder, at some point, "Hey, what's the guy who comes with this cock like?" And then she's going to look at the rest of your communication and conclude that, just as she would imagine, any jerk who thinks she'll be swayed by a pretty prick is as bland and shallow as she'd expect. If she's the bitter type, she might print it out and put it on her dart board, but most likely, she'll just click "delete".

But this does lead me to a question for you all -- and you should feel free to answer this in comments or via email to cluechick@gmail.com. What the fuck? No, seriously. Are you just the modern-day version of that creepy guy on the subway who "accidentally" leaves his fly down when he sits across from a cute chick? Does it get you hot to think of a woman looking at a picture of Mr. Chubb?

Do you honestly think it's so great that the mere sight of it in a grainy picture you took with your phone is going to get you laid?

Here's a clue: it won't.