Blame the patriarchy
The author of the ad I featured in Now, THIS guy, I want to fuck reported via comment today that he got no responses to his ad. I'm greatly disappointed, of course, though I can't say I'm surprised, since it brings us back to the unfortunate odds that men face in the online dating scene, which odds are even worse when looking for casual encounters and on CL. Nevertheless, I'm feeling a tad demoralized, and I find myself sympathizing even more with you guys, who have such a long shot at success; I can understand why so many of you give up after a few weeks or months of trying with no response.
So, what's the problem here? I blame the patriarchy. No, seriously, it's not just because I'm a feminist and like to blame the patriarchy whenever possible (although I'll admit that it's a favorite target) -- I actually think the patriarchy is to blame here. Let me tell you why:
First, because the patriarchy tells women that we shouldn't want sex. We should want to be wanted, but we're not actually supposed to want to get dirty. Women who want sex are sluts and whores and not worthy of respect. (Check the "rants and raves" section of any city's CL to see what I mean on this one.) This makes women far less likely to consider casual sex than men, who are encouraged to want sex.
Second, the patriarchy tells women and men that women are to be pursued, never the pursuer. This means that even an awesome ad may very well not get any responses, because so many women hate to make the first move (and, sadly, posting an ad doesn't seem to count as the first move on the man's part). Additionally, men often respond badly to a woman who they perceive as making the first move, or being too assertive in pursuing sex/the relationship.
Third, the patriarchy makes everyone feel weird and guilty about sex, if not all the time, at least from time to time.
So what's to be done? Fuck the patriarchy! It's not just for feminism, anymore. Men, women aren't the only people whose lives stand to improve in a less sexist society. How can you fuck the patriarchy and improve your own situation at the same time? Stop vilifying women who are into sex, especially casual sex. Stop supporting the status quo, which leaves you at such a disadvantage when it comes to fun, casual hookups. Stop thinking that all feminists are man-haters or lesbians, and discover that some feminists are man-loving bed-hoppers. And there's lots of room in between, too.
At least I know I might get some the next time I'm in NY, even if no one else is taking him up on it.
