How to approach a woman (online or elsewhere)
The first thing we have to agree on here is this: Women are actual living, breathing, thinking human beings. If you place us on a pedestal, we are almost bound to fall off it and land on your head, perhaps breaking your neck in the process. If you treat us like shit, you'll be lucky if the worst you end up with is some bad smelling shoes.
Lots of men seem to experience women as a whole different species. They find us weird, unfathomable and mysterious. We're certainly not real people so much as somewhat bizarre quasi-people.
*BZZT*
You've got to get over that. Men and women may have differences, and they may be real, but at root, we're all people, just like each other. Seeing members of the opposite sex as whole people, worthy of respect, will help in all your interactions.
You all may remember that guy with the kickass ad who I wanted to fuck. One of the things I loved about his ad is that he took the time to point out that he's respectful. What this means is that he sees a woman as a full person, who will have opinions and desires, and with whom he'll be making a connection (even if a casual one) when they hook up. That makes me hot.
I don't want to be with a guy who's going to see me as a cardboard cutout, or as a porcelain doll. I want to be with someone who sees me and respects me as a person. I'd rather be "one of the guys" if that's what it takes than an incomplete idea. If you can show me that you see women in a real way -- usually by interacting with me through email in a way that feels complete and honest -- that's way, way more likely to get my attention than describing some hot sex scene with a fantasy woman who's more like a blow-up doll.
Comments
How is this helpful to me? What kind of advice does this give me, other than "do not think of a chick as a cardboard cutout"?
C.
ps - Ever fuck a cardboard cutout? Not all it's cracked up to be!
Posted by: conrad cook | March 15, 2006 6:13 PM
Well, Conrad, the good news is that if this post seems really obvious to you, you're ahead of lots of guys. The bad news, though, is that in that case, this particular post probably isn't helpful to you. Sorry!
Posted by: ClueChick | March 16, 2006 4:02 PM
Don't really see that it's for you to judge whether or not I'm "ahead" of other guys: I find the presupposition that you are obnoxious. Equally obnoxious the presupposition that you have "guys" in general figured out and that "they" are bound to think of girls as cardboard cutouts, until someone like you comes along to tell them otherwise. How much have you really thought about sexism?
C.
Posted by: Conrad | March 16, 2006 6:29 PM