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Saying what you mean in your ad or profile: fat

In my observation, lots of people who don't fit the cookie-cutter definition of beauty like Craig's List and other online dating sites. As such, these areas also attract people who are interested in people outside the Vogue standard, too, so it's not uncommon to see ads from or for transfolks, fat people, handicapped people and others. Today, I'll talk about fat.

There are a lot of different ways to describe one's self or one's desired mate as larger, and each seems to be popular amongst different circles or to carry different associations. One of the most popular seems to be BBW, or big, beautiful woman. (The less common corollary for men is BHM, or big, handsome man.) There's also the straightforward fat, as well as big or larger. Then, of course, you have the euphemisms, which is where things can get a little confusing: buxom, curvy, or thick. I haven't fully figured out thick, actually, but it seems to indicate good proportions on a larger frame. And there's also a smattering of other terms: chubby, chunky, zaftig, rubenesque, plump.

It's hard to know what people are imagining when they describe their desired hookup as any of the above terms: some think size 12, while others may be picturing size 24, and ditto the people who describe themselves in those terms.

Unlike with "fun" or "cool", I don't think there's an easy way to get around these confusions. Until fatness is socially "unloaded" enough that people can list their weight as easily as they list their height, we'll be dealing with workarounds and euphemisms. Instead, my advice is that whether you're a fat chick or someone looking for one, be prepared for people who use the same terms to mean different things.

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