To be attractive, start internally and work your way out
Let's talk about desperation a bit more. I'm going to assume that I don't need to expand on why desperation is best avoided, both for internal (personal state of mind) reasons and external (being attractive to other people) ones, right? If I'm wrong on that assumption, someone send me an email and I'll go into more detail.
Desperation is unattractive in everyone in nearly every circumstance. The only times it makes sense and might be useful are times of acute crisis: I'm desperate to save my cat from the burning building, say. If you are desperate to hear back from the woman with the perfect personal ad, you're setting yourself up for disastrous failure.
What desperation signals is a need for external support for a lack that would be better served by a solid internal foundation.
What does that mean?
It means that being attractive starts inside you, with your attitude, your confidence, and your comfort in who you are.
We have all experienced encounters with people who were desperate for attention, and unless we're stalkers who like to create unhealthy obsessions and dependence, we find that overwhelming and unappealing. This is especially true for casual sex, as even a hint of desperation makes me back way off, thinking that with that need for hand-holding, this guy isn't going to be able to keep it light at all.
We've also all met those people who, objectively speaking, aren't drop-dead gorgeous, and, in fact may simply be okay-looking, but who somehow manage to present a special something, that certain "oomph" that makes people sit up and pay attention. That can't be faked.
This all goes back to being solidly comfortable with who you are, knowing who you are, and knowing what you want. If you're looking for a partner or lover to fill up an empty space in you, then you're headed for a codependent dynamic at best. Some people look for that, I'm sure, but I recommend filling your own needs and then teaming up with someone else who's hot and appealing.
If you're desperate and you know it, you're in better shape than many, who seem to think that clinging, needy interaction will draw someone in. Start by building up your own solid foundation so that you're not so teetery, and you'll be in much better shape to attract someone interesting.
