ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

Sapiophile comments in Some classic bad responses:

On the rare occasion that I'm desperately bored enough to respond to one of these, I'll say something like "You sounds like you might be promising but you included so little content, it is hard to know. Why don't you write back and tell me some about yourself". Invariably the response is something like "If you want to know something, just ask, I'm very open." Um. Yeah. Because I have so much free time that I'm really going to interview you to drag the information out of you that MIGHT make you interesting to me. Not.

To which I respond: Sing it, sister!

I sympathize with the urge to elicit actual questions from someone before starting to talk about myself. It can be hard to figure out what to say, especially when I don't know what they're interested in hearing. The truth is, we all love to talk about ourselves, but it's hard to know where to begin. Besides, it's flattering to have someone inquiring about whatever bit of me they're interested in!

Usually, however, the people who respond to my request for more information with, "Just ask whatever you want to know!" get dropped instantly. Typically, these are people who don't include much information in their initial contact or profile (in cases of sites where people have profiles). This is especially annoying because I do include a lot of information in my ads and profiles, so it shouldn't even be hard for someone to say, "You mentioned you like to lick frozen flagpoles -- I tried that when I was little!"

Even if a woman doesn't provide a lot of information about herself, if you're trying to get a rapport going with her, if you want a chance to get to know her better, provide her as much opportunity as possible to find you interesting.

Men: Never, never, never respond to a woman's request for more information by insisting that she ask what she wants to know. It's like slamming the door on your fingers. The door is open, your hand is on the jam, and if you play it right, you might even get invited in. But if you make her do the work, after she's given you the opportunity to sell yourself, you're finished.

The fact that she responded to you in the first place is a good start! If you're interested in her, or if you think you might be, dig around a bit in your hazy memories of your past and try to start up a conversation! Tell her a funny story about yourself or a few little tidbits and then ask her questions about herself. If both of you have half a social clue, this will lead to something we call conversation, which should flow more or less naturally. It's how we get to know each other and decide if we want to fuck (or date, or whatever it is you want to do with people you're emailing).

If, on the other hand, you want her to mock you on a public blog, by all means, tell her she should ask anything she'd like to know.