ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

Let's say you've run across an ad that, if accurate, was placed by your absolute dream woman. She's everything you're looking for, including the blonde hair and the big boobs. (Not that I'm saying anything about men's tastes, here, I'm just using the stereotype to set up my rhetorical argument. Not to worry.) You can't wait to meet her.

So, you respond, saying, "Hi, you sound perfect! When you say you have big boobs, how big are they?" or perhaps the ever-classy, "You mentioned your blonde hair... I'm wondering if you're a true blonde, if you know what I mean."

*facepalm*

Guys, guys, guys. It truly wouldn't have occurred to me that this was a necessary piece of advice if I hadn't received any number of these responses in the past few months.

Yes, if you're particular, you will, eventually, need to check her qualifications against your specifications, whether they're shallow or otherwise. But if you want a response, there's no way that querying a woman on her attributes will help you to hear back from her. "You say you're old... how old are we talking about?" That's just not going to work well.

Try striking up a normal conversation, and if you truly can't wait to squeeze your question into your first contact, try to make it at least a bit interesting: "I'm so excited that you said you're of amazonian proportions, because I have a total thing for women who are at least a foot taller than I am! How tall are you?" At least then you're letting your enthusiasm make up for your lack of social grace. And enthusiasm can go quite a long way.