ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

Flattery will get you everywhere.

Flattery is a great way to get a woman's attention, but if you go overboard, it begins to look ridiculous as well as insincere. What do I mean?

One of the fellows who contacted me via Yahoo! Personals started out with a couple of nice compliments on my profile and photographs, and then ramped up to talking about how gorgeous and sexy and brilliant and everything great I am, and before we'd chatted for five minutes, he was telling me he thought I was The One. Either he was crazy or he was lying, and either way, you can imagine my reaction.

Not all insincere flatterers are quite that over-the-top, but in many cases, they're nearly so! Even the ones that go on and on about how great I am begin to be boring before too long.

A bit of flattery is nice, but if you take it too far, it's no longer believable. One fellow said to me in IM, "If I tell you you're sexy, would you hold it against me?" My response: If you say that before we meet, you bet I will!

Furthermore, excessive flattery makes you look like a kiss-up. You don't have to play hard-to-get, but you don't have to crawl after me begging for a scrap of attention, either.

A bit of good flattery to start with is specific to the person you're flattering, and it's reasonable relative to the information that you already have. Something you could write might be:

- "I found you ad extremely provocative and intriguing! I'd love to hear more about what you like to do with rubber bands and chap stick!"
- "Your photograph had me weak in the knees; I can't wait to see you in person!"
- "I'm a sucker for a woman with brains, so it's a good thing I was sitting down when I read your post."
- "You know, the way you write, you sound so hot! You wouldn't happen to be Cluechick, would you?"

(Okay, maybe you ought to skip that last one...)