How do not-hot guys get any action?
In yesterday's posts, I was rather focused on the lack of hotness of the fellow in question. I'm sure this caused no small amount of consternation amongst my more average readers (not that any of you is less than fabulous in your own right, I'm sure, but you know what I mean). Let me assure you of two things about hotness:
First, hotness is in the eye of the beholder. Every person has different things they like, and even when going purely on superficial indicators, there are a broad range of tastes out there. I, for example, have a strange and secret fetish for large noses. Not that I seek out large noses, but the faces I find most attractive tend to include large noses. I figure this is evolution's way of balancing out my small nose when (okay, if) I finally decide to settle down with a large-nosed mate and produce moderately-nosed little children.
Second, the more superficial your encounter with someone, the more superficial your hotness needs to be. This is good news for classically attractive yet shallow guys who are looking for casual sex, but bad news for the ones who want a long term relationship. Conversely, substantive but homely guys who are looking for casual sex may well have a harder time, but their significant relationships are likely to be much more successful.
Does this mean substantive but homely guys can't have casual sex? Not at all, but they do have more of a challenge. They just need to be prepared to set it up so their personality is a factor, which it certainly can be in a casual setup just as much as any other. No one's lying when they say the brain is the biggest sex organ, and that's true whether you're having a quick fuck or a lifetime setup. It may take a little more work, but it is totally, totally worth it.
Comments
Why are so many homely girls hesitant to hook up with homely guys? Some of them give you sob stories about how long it's been and how desperate they are, even as they reject one reasonably matched guy after another. Do they think sex is only okay if you do it with hot people?
Posted by: Almost Homely | January 16, 2006 4:57 PM
Happily, there are some of us slutty chicks out there who, despite being picky, do not have a preference for classic beauty. Some of us (well, okay, I'll admit it: me) are really turned on by deep, dark eyes; faces with "character"; sexy voices; grey hair and baldness. I've been attracted to (even at a superficial level) plenty of men that share few characteristics with Playgirl models.
I won't disagree with CC that "homely" guys have a tougher time. But I will say that I've yet to meet a guy who has no positive physical attributes. Maybe you have buckteeth and acne, but you have long, slim fingers and a nice butt. Maybe you're bald and you have a spare tire in the front AND back, but you have awesome biceps and a voice that will melt chocolate. Avoid describing yourself as "hot", no matter whether you think you are or not. Instead, focus on those things that you DO believe are attractive about yourself.
Posted by: sapiophile | January 16, 2006 5:52 PM
Almost Homely: This is actually a pet peeve of mine on two fronts:
First, just because someone's homely or imperfect in some other way doesn't mean they can't have discriminating tastes. It may make their life harder, but usually not impossible, and, really, if it does make their life impossible, they only have themselves to blame.
Second, if you're turning down good match after good match on appearance only, you're probably not facing up to something about yourself (internally, not your looks) and what you're looking for. Some self-evaluation may be in order.
Posted by: ClueChick | January 16, 2006 6:53 PM