ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

It's hard to explain exactly how to trip my trigger, because there are a number of ways, and they are all rather individual to the person and situation. As you all know, I like a smart, engaging guy with a good sense of humor, but, really, what on earth does that mean? Who doesn't want those things? Someone who's engaging to me might be offputting to another person, and let's not even go into the ways that a sense of humor can be good and yet still be hugely annoying to any number of people.

One of my favorite things in the world to do, however, is to flirt. I can't begin to tell you how much I love flirting. I like to flirt with friends, with acquaintances, with strangers. I like to think I only do it when it's appropriate, and I never take it to my day job, but nevertheless, I'm a big flirt.

Therefore, probably the number one way to catch my attention in email, IM and -- oh, yes, please -- in person, is to engage me in flirtation. This does not mean that you should give me some blatant come-on, because flirtation is all about hints and innuendos: eye contact, a casual touch on the elbow, a tilted head and suggestive comment. Mmmm, it's a delight just thinking about it!

In email, this means that you should jump on at least one opportunity to make a suggestive remark about something innocuous I said. It may also mean that you don't make a suggestive comment in response to something blatant that I say. You want to mix it up and keep it interesting, right? Flirting is about teasing. In IM, this means that you drop hints, but you don't take it all the way to netsex. (I enjoy a good round of netsex as much as the next person, if I happen to have the time and a free hand, but it's the anticipation that really gets me going and makes me want to take it to the next level.)

In person, well, it's hard to explain how to flirt in person. It requires a lot of attention to the other person's subtle signals. Start slow: extended eye contact is a good one. If the object of your flirtation looks down while blushing, and then re-engages the eye contact, you're good to go. If she doesn't re-engage, that's a bad sign. If she smiles when you touch her elbow or shoulder, that's an invitation for more of the same. If she pulls away, crosses her arms, or leans back... not so much.

Flirtation is like a dance. Sometimes you move forward, sometimes you draw back. The goal is to tease each other into a frenzy, until you can barely keep your hands off each other. Then you're ready to move on to the consummation.