ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

I wrote yesterday in How to say no, thanks about ways to pass on continued contact with someone you meet online, and Sapiophile made a useful comment on my interpretation of one fellow's awkward and pointless dance around saying he wasn't interested in me:

He feels guilty for being shallow for not being attracted to you. He thinks he should't be focused on looks, but he is, and all the verbiage is his dance with his own superego. The dance should be done on his own time, not yours.

She's probably right. After all, I, too, have struggled with myself over hitting it off with a guy via email and then finding myself cold and dry after he sends me a photograph. I like to think I'm above that sort of thing, after all. Don't we all?

The truth is, however, that no one is. We all have our likes and dislikes and some of those play out in the realm of appearance.

Personally, I assume that some people I chat with will see my photograph and decide I'm not their type. I'm completely fine with that, because I also assume that people will send me photographs that I'm not attracted to, as well. If the email spark is strong enough, that's sometimes enough to make me take it to in-person, anyway, just in case, but sometimes I just go with the shallow, "Okay, no zing there," response and move on. Thus, in the way that most people think that others generally think the way they do, I think that others must also make a judgement based on my photographs and go from there, either interested or not.

As far as I'm concerned, this is a-ok. We're hooking up online, for goodness' sake. It's not lifelong commitment or picking the next president. Looks and attraction matter, and it's nothing personal if someone doesn't like my looks, just as it's nothing personal if I don't like yours.

If you've got issues with being shallow (or sometimes being shallow), bummer for you. But don't drag me into it!