Nice guys vs. bad boys: who gets laid?
One of my fabulous readers writes:
I'm a good person, honest man, hard working, gentle, nice, and friendly. Is this the problem? Do I need to pass myself off as "the bad guy" or "the tough guy" in order to get laid? I'm not sure what I am doing wrong.
No, no, no! A thousand times no! Ugh!
Okay, okay, I know that bad guys seem to get more action with the ladies, but would it really be worth getting laid if you had to a) fake yourself and b) become a person you respect less in the process? Yuck!
It's possible that I have strong feelings about this one. But, really, you don't have to be a bad boy to have casual sex. On the other hand, no, you shouldn't be a pushover. Very few women go for pushovers, and most of them are women you wouldn't want to get too involved with.
It's an unfortunate thing that confidence is so often associated with jerkiness; nice guys, this is your big chance to change the world: be confident and be nice! Be secure in yourself and your way of being in the world. Being confident, not being "bad" or "tough" is the way to go.
Comments
"nice guy" means different things depending on who's saying it and what the context is, so I won't label myself that way, but I will say that I am very much NOT the "bad boy" type, and I have pretty good luck finding women who want to play with me.
I can see the attraction of the "bad boy" thing and I know plenty of women who are attracted to to (for some of them it works out well, for others it doesn't), but just because it works, doesn't mean it's the only thing that works. Far from it. There are plenty of other ways to be attractive.
I think a good way to not be attractive, is to try to be attractive in some way that you've seen works, but doesn't come naturally to you. Or, if you work at it hard enough to actually make it work, at that point I think you become an actor even in real life, and the costs aren't worth the benefits.
Posted by: Cos | January 9, 2006 11:58 PM
Cos: Yes, exactly.
Posted by: ClueChick | January 10, 2006 11:39 AM