ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

Cluechick's advice is generally...well, general: applicable to all men seeking women for casual sex on the internet. However, since I'm standing in for her this week, and my interests are quite specific, I'm going to take the liberty of directing a post specifically to that subset of seekers who share my sexual proclivities: those into BDSM (Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism/Dominance/Submission/ Leather/Kink/whatever-the-heck-you-call-it.)

For the most part, the general advice applies equally well to BDSM oriented postings: be honest, be real, treat the woman like a person, let your personality show through, etc. But there are some things that are specific to this corner of the world.

Let's start with a few tips.

First of all, until we have agreed to play, do not address me as "slave", "Mistress" or "slut". Likewise, do not sign with "Sir" or "Master" or "your sissy slutboy". It's presumptuous and disrespectful. Whether I'm seeking a one-shot play session or a long term live-in 24x7 deal, I'm a person first, and a playtoy second.

Along the same lines, I wish to establish interest in one another before the power exchange begins. This is particularly directed at dominant men: starting off communications saying "Your email response should arrive in no more than 24 hours" or "You will refrain from using all capital letters henceforth" will quickly get your email tossed into the circular folder.

And speaking of capitals, the capitalization of pronouns is Just Stupid. Don't do it, okay? The words "me", "my", "you", "your", "him" and "her" are never capitalized unless they appear at the beginning of the sentence. "I am a Master with 24 years of experience. All My subs obey Me without question." This just screams "pretentious asshole". (And don't get me started on the slash thing. "When W/we meet W/we will discuss terms of engagement." Agh, just shoot me!)

A note to submissive men: paragraph upon paragraph telling me what a worthless worm you are will not entice me to write back. Even if I'm looking to piss in your mouth and grind my stiletto heel into your balls, I still want you to be confident, sexy and smart. Save the self-flagellation until after we're involved. Better yet, let me do the flagellation, otherwise why bother?

Phrases such as "true submissive", "natural dominant" and "old school" convey no useful content, so don't use them. What you mean by the terms is likely to have nothing to do with what I mean by the same terms, and assuming we've actually communicated something because we both think I'm a "true sub" is likely to lead to disappointment and recriminations on all sides. Really, the terms exist for no other purpose than to judge as inferior people whose desires in the scene do not match yours. So drop it, okay?

-Sapiophile