ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

One of my charming and handsome readers writes:

Is it foolish to hope that these email and IM exchanges could turn into meetings? I know there's no blanket answer, and that every woman is different. But in general, do you think that women looking for virtual sex on CE are interested in the real thing? If so, do you have any tips on making that transition?

To which I initially responded that this is a realm where I don't have a ton of experience, since I normally post for hookups, not for email exchanges, so I asked around a bit, and here's what I've come up with:

Women who post to CL are, generally, less inclined to meet than men are, even if they post an ad that's geared toward meeting. There are a number of reasons for this: One of the things that seems to hold women back is the fact that they're afraid that they're better online than in person. Keeping it online is much safer -- they don't risk the same kind of rejection, not to mention the actual work involved in leaving the comfort and security of their own desk/couch/bed. Often people posting to CL are doing so because they're very shy/tentative in person. Additionally, for women, there's the unfortunate social stigma of being seen as "loose" or "easy". I'm lucky not to be hung up on that, but I'd have to be blind not to see it, both in how some men (and women) respond to me and in how women talk about hookups and the associated social implications of them.

That said, some women who post just for erotic email exchanges ARE interested in getting together, if there's a click, but that can be a big hurdle for some people, taking it offline and into real space.

So, no, it's not foolish to hope that such exchanges can turn into meetings, but it would be foolish to pin too much hope to this. Women looking for virtual sex are ABSOLUTELY interested in the real thing, but they may, for any number of reasons, not be willing/interested in making that happen. Remember, everyone, women like sex. We just get a shitload of pressure to be "good girls", so it's a hugely loaded issue, especially when it comes to NSA sex.

As far as making the transition, this is a bit of a shot in the dark, but here's some of what might work for me in that situation. Don't make your continued email/IM contact contingent upon meeting, and try to avoid coming off as though you're putting pressure on her. Express your interest firmly and clearly but without expectation of reciprocity. And by all means, you should use what you know about her interests and leanings to suggest what fun it might be. You have a leg up on any potential competition because you've gotten to know her without being a total mack, in the context of a mutually engaging email conversation, and that's a good thing.