ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

I think the problem is that I don't understand what a woman would want to get out of non-relationship sex with me. I'm a geek, not at all the alpha male, not at all the pretty boy or the jock or the executive. Women who have simple needs ("I want to be skillfully fucked by an attractive man") are amply served by the large line of more charming, better looking, better performing men who are looking for NSA sex. That's just the nature of the market and my place in it.

So please, help me understand why a woman would pass over the long line of more attractive men who want fuck buddies and choose something closer to home. What are they looking for? What can I give them? What assurances and enticements do they need?

What women want in non-relationship sexual experiences to meet men who like and respect them and want to have sex with them without judging them as sluts or treating them badly for being easy or whatever other ridiculous idea men carry around in their heads about loose women. We don't want to be lied to, we don't want to be pressured and we don't want some fucked up head trip. Basically, we want what guys want: fun sex without hang-ups. It's just that most women have different hang-ups than most men have.

What a woman would want to get out of sex with you is sex with someone she finds attractive and appealing. Lots of women go for geeks (trust me on this one) and are interested in more than a jock-y bod or big expense account. This is a key thing for you to get in your head: you, as you are, are some woman's fantasy, and fit into some women's daydreams. Be assured in that and then it's just a matter of hooking up with the right women!

That said, it's true that there are lots of hot men out there looking for NSA sex, and you may not shine in the one night stand realm (though don't sell yourself short -- you may be just the thing for some women!), but if what you're looking for is casual FWB or fuckbuddies or just an occasional lay with someone you don't have to lay the groundwork with every time, you're in a good position.

Only you know what you have to offer, and if that's compatible with keeping the distance you need. When I'm looking for FWB, I will pass on the superficially hot guy in order to find someone with whom I have more click. You can help yourself avoid that by finding women who are also clearly and explicitly not looking for anything serious.

As for assurances and enticements... I'd say, if you can talk to her like a real person, and offer her the kind of sexual adventure she's looking for, you're off to a good start!