Confirming my expectations
You all may remember that a couple of weekends ago, I was planning to meet up with a fellow I'd been emailing with for quite some time. Well, we did meet, and here's what I've learned:
I know what I want. And just because a guy sticks around and is persistent doesn't mean that my initial evaluation that we're not a good match, even for casual play, is wrong. It may mean that he's a very nice guy, ultra patient, not resorting to high-pressure or guilt trips, and these are all good things.
Now, my biggest concern, before meeting him, was that he was having a dual-image problem, having trouble combining my inner good girl and my inner slut. Or maybe that's my outer slut. I get confused. At any rate, that didn't come up at all; I don't know if it's just 'cause we were in pretty unambiguous let's-see-how-this-goes territory, or if I was misreading him. I was glad not to run up against that, though, as the good girl/bad girl dichotomy is one of my pet peeves.
Instead, what happened is that things just fell flat. It wasn't awful, but where I look for intensity, for the heat to rise up off my body until I want to shimmy out of my clothes and fling him on the floor (or have him fling me, depending on my mood). With this guy, it was entirely pleasant. The conversation was nice. The interaction was nice. He was nice. But there was no spark.
And this is what I had predicted last summer when we started corresponding. So, the lesson is, my early judgments can be right. I sometimes worry that I make inappropriately snap decisions, and this fellow helped me by showing me that in at least some cases, my judgment calls are right on.
Comments
Does the opposite happen? Do you suspect someone isn't going to do much for you, and get surprised when you meet?
Posted by: Cos | February 16, 2006 10:08 AM
ahh - another victim of the 'nice guys are losers' syndrome.
mismatched expectations regarding aggression.
Since it is a casual encounter, I can understand why there might be an expectation of some kind of 'spark' or zing between the two of you.
Maybe this was his first time out of the gate, and his courage failed him when it came to tripping the pilot light?
Posted by: otwisted | February 16, 2006 10:22 AM
Cos: Yes, look for a post on that soon.
otwisted: I don't think the problem is that he's a nice guy (though he certainly is) so much as that our bedroom styles are fairly incompatible. According to him, he's had a number of CE hookups, though, so I don't think that was a factor (unless he had told me that as some kind of line, in which case, he really shot himself in the foot.)
Posted by: ClueChick | February 16, 2006 10:33 AM