Don't put up with bullshit, people
I was recently talking to a friend of mine about a man she'd been seeing. They'd been dating fairly regularly before they had a spectacularly ugly breakup, and in the months since they broke up, it's come to light that he was trying to seduce several other women (in our social circle, no less) into his bed. You all know how I feel about cheating, right? So I don't need to go on about that. Instead, what I want to talk about is something she said while talking about this. She said, "I know it's awful of him, but at the same time, he just can't help it. He's a guy."
Hold up. What??
It's this kind of bullshit that keeps us from social advancement together, because let me tell you, there's no "war of the sexes." We all win, or we all lose. And when we think that guys can't help themselves from being evil bastards, we do no one any favors. Here's why:
First, when women expect men to act like assholes, we set ourselves up to have shitty partners. Have you ever had a shitty partner? Not much fun, was it? Thus, shitty partners are bad.
Second, when men get the pass on bad behavior, it encourages other men to behave badly, which, when they're good guys, bums them out. This leads to the problem of nice guys feeling like they finish last, and that blows.
Third, if we can expect nothing more than bad behavior from men, we're basically saying that they suck. "Oh, sure, I'd rather have a partner who respects me, but what can I expect? He's a bottom-feeder guy."
People, don't excuse bad behavior in anyone. It may be forgivable, but it's not excusable.
Women, don't put up with bullshit. Why would you even want to?
Men, you don't suck (except for that one sweet spot just a little to the left... yeah, there...) and I expect more of you. Don't disappoint me.
Comments
The saddest thing about women saying "he's a man, you can't expect better" is that it is an indication that that woman has never had a quality guy. And if they believe there are no quality guys to be hand, the won't even look around for any better than the slimeballs they've been hanging with all along.
I'm always trying to sell the virtues of the "nice guy" to women who insist that "all the good men are either married or gay".
Posted by: sapiophile | February 15, 2006 6:41 PM
It's sad that I was 30 before I learned all that terrific stuff you wrote, and still managed to screw up with one more relationship after that by excusing a guy's bad behavior. I think I'm properly innoculated now, though! *grin*
To get a big dose of hilarious & wise info on relationships (and the mistakes people make in them), I highly recommend the book "He's Just Not That Into You" - it's all about women valuing themselves & not making excuses for a badly behaved man.
Posted by: Lil | February 16, 2006 1:38 AM
Lil:
Sad, yes, but sadder still in how common it is. I'm sure there are loads of reasons, but social conventions are a big part of that.
I've been meaning to read He's Just Not That Into You because it sounds like a riot, but even more so, I want to read the author's other book, It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken.
Posted by: ClueChick | February 16, 2006 8:43 AM