Wherein ClueChick needs to take her own advice
I've gotten myself into a little bind, and it's entirely because I haven't been listening to my good advice to other people. Let me explain:
There's this fellow who I've been fucking in a very, very casual way, for about 6 months. We've gotten together as much as a couple of times a month and as little as not at all for a couple of months -- it just depends on how our schedules and hormones line up. It's been fun.
We haven't seen each other since the holidays -- things were very busy during that time, of course, and then his job got busy, and then mine did. So we finally touched base last week long enough for him to say, "Hey, long time no see. Wanna fuck?" and me to respond, "This week isn't good, but next week, I'll drop you a line!"
Great, right?
Except, later that evening, I realized I don't want to fuck him again. He's been fun, but the truth is, he's not hugely creative, and he's not... well, he's really only average smart, which is enough to sustain my interest very briefly (if he manages to catch it in the first place). The truth is, he's only been around as long as he has because we see each other so infrequently.
But, of course, I told him last week that I'd be up for getting together again. So, now, I have to play the fickle woman card, which, of course, I hate. It would have been much better if I'd realized before that conversation that I was no longer interested. This, it would seem, is one of the down sides of the ultra-casual thing -- out of sight, out of mind. If I'd stopped to think about it, I'm sure I'd've realized before our conversation that he was no longer blowing my hair back. But why would I bother to think about it if I wasn't planning to make plans with him?
Yes, this is a clear lack of foresight. The end result?
I'm going to have to catch him on IM in the next couple of days and let him know that, much as I've enjoyed our hookups (and I have), it's no longer what I'm looking for, and good luck, have a great life. All of which would go better without last week's misleading conversation hinting at making plans. This is a good lesson for me to spare a thought for my idle boys out there in the field, not to let them languish too long, one way or the other.
Comments
Seems to me you might be having a alightly unwarranted attack of the guilty conscience, my dear CC.
If you've gone as long as you say with this guy with extended periods of absence, it seems a pretty fair assumption that he won't be crushed if you told him that the situation (or your desires) had changed.
Obviously, honesty is the rule of the day when it comes to casual sex (actaully it should apply to more, but I'm not out to change the world... yet). And you should tell him what's what straight up before you see him. But any boy who's been a part of your life for a while and says, "Hey, long time no see. Wanna fuck?" is not exactly deserving of your best manners.
Posted by: Sid | February 23, 2006 2:27 AM
If I have a guilty conscience, it's because I misrepresented myself and my current level of interest when we spoke last week. From my point of view, it's always bad form to do that, both for the sake of the person I'm interacting with and for my own sake!
No, I don't think he'll be crushed, but I do think he'll be disappointed (never let it be said I don't have a massive ego).
And everyone is deserving of my best manners, until they prove otherwise.
Posted by: ClueChick | February 23, 2006 7:33 AM
Sid said: 'Hey, long time no see. Wanna fuck?' is not exactly deserving of your best manners
Why not? This seems like an entirely reasonable thing to say in the context of a casual, NSA fuckbuddy relationship. Isn't that why we are here?
Posted by: sapiophile | February 23, 2006 9:03 PM
sapiophile said: Why not? This seems like an entirely reasonable thing to say in the context of a casual, NSA fuckbuddy relationship. Isn't that why we are here?
Actually I thought that we were here to find ways to lift the casual experience above the simplistic, crude, and boring tone that so often enters into these encounters. Look, I'm not saying that you can't say, "Hi [something], wanna fuck?" I just don't think that one should expect as satisfying an experience if you are the one saying that or responding to it.
Granted, sometimes we all just want to get our rocks off, but don't we already settle for too much mediocrity in our day to day lives? Why bother bringing it into the bedroom if you can possibly avoid it?
Posted by: Sid | February 23, 2006 11:11 PM
Sid - I think you're reading too much into it. It seems like a normal flip comment to make in this sort of relationship, and I see absolutely nothing crude or boring about it beyond the usual level of mundanity that brief but habitual let's-get-together emails usually have. Imagine a casual friend who you sometimes hang out with when visiting their city and have brilliant conversation with over dinner. They send you an email, "hi, haven't seen you a while, wanna have dinner next week?" Same thing.
Posted by: Cos | February 25, 2006 10:33 AM