Black, white, casual sex, racial fetishes and racism
Here's a little something that I've mulled over for years and have never found a solid resolution about:
In case it's not blazingly obvious, I'm white. I grew up in an all white community (no, really, there was one black kid in my junior high for a year, and two Asians in my high school, but we were such a white community that the Asians got folded into the "white" category without anyone seeming to notice) where I never really had a chance to meet -- much less date -- people of other races. For whatever reason, whether social conditioning or media exposure or what, the idea of being with a black guy always appealed to me. Maybe it's because it was one of the few things that got a rise out of my mom when I mentioned it. The point is, though, that I'm a white chick who thinks black guys are, conceptually, quite hot, and in practice, finds lots of them hot on an individual basis, too. Nevertheless, I've never hooked up with a black guy, for a variety of good and bad reasons.
I often see ads on dating sites, CL and others, that specify race, and they more often specify a race other than that of the poster than the same race. Part of me thinks this is a horrible reflection of social racism, but another part of me thinks it might be a healthy outlet for same. After all, here we all are, steeped in a racist society; why shouldn't we all get a little fetishistic pleasure out of the forbidden, or the exotic?
It seems that people tend to look for their own race for longer term dating, or don't mention a desired race while mentioning their own. In casual encounters ads, though, people do specify that they're looking for someone of whatever-other-race, which is probably more an indicator that it's some weird fetishistic thing: broadly, we look for the exotic, or the out of the ordinary, in a fling, but not in someone we expect to take home to mom and dad.
Most people probably don't think much about this sort of thing, even as they're posting the ad. And, hey, I could be seeing something that's not there. But I'll admit that I have the interracial thing is both attractive and repulsive to me, so I'm both intrigued and annoyed by such posts on CL.
Comments
I feel much the same way about these kinds of posts where the poster seeks a lover of a different race - intrigued, supportive, AND turned off by a concern that there's some covert racism going on.
As another white woman reading your blog, I'll share with you that I've been with 2 black men. I got a thrill out of saying "fuck you" to the people who were visibly shocked at the sight of me walking hand-in-hand or kissing my lover. It was exciting and fun (but, yes, I recognize that as a white person I had the PRIVILEGE to experience it as a fun novelty) to challenge the norm.
And on a different plane, I really enjoyed the solicitous and sweet-talking (not using that pejoratively) nature of both of these men. I loved being called "baby" and "sweetheart" and "darling" ... it's something that I have never experienced as much with white men (until my most recent lover, a white man).
Posted by: ghislaine | March 17, 2006 6:10 AM
I have just started seeing someone outside of my own race, a first for me. Yes, it is exciting and maybe novel. Will it work out? I don't know. I have issues of my own to think about. Right now I am still hooked on the thought of being with this attractive black woman. Fetish, kink, novelty,? Or maybe I'm just horny, LOL !
Posted by: Tug | March 17, 2006 8:26 AM
I've said before that I think the most erotic things are those that are highly charged socially. Part of what makes kneeling before a man hot for me is that I'm following a millenia old pattern that in my real life, I totally reject. Or the flip side, having a man kneel before me is erotic in part because it is so subversive.
Taboo and socially laden concepts like money (discussed last week) and drugs and power and law and privacy and religion make rich fodder for the libido. Why should race be any different?
It has never been a hot topic for me, personally, but as someone who likes to have her faced pressed into the ground by strong men, who am I to look askance at other people's politically incorrect desires?
Posted by: sapiophile | March 17, 2006 2:21 PM