ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

I've been enjoying people's comments on yesterday's post. In case it wasn't clear, I was annoyed, by the man in question, but not particularly offended. His issues with sluttiness are his, and I decline to make them my problem. It's good to know my readers are above that sort of thing, though!

In truth, I'm completely comfortable with the term "slut" as I apply it to myself, and as many of my close friends do, too. But it's an ongoing frustration to run into men -- men I meet in the context of a mutual search for casual sex -- who obviously can't get over their own madonna/whore issues. One fellow told me that he'd love to get together with me, but wondered how many other lovers I would have at the same time? I told him I didn't particularly count, either as a goal or a limitation, and that it might be none or it might be many. He left that conversation quite disturbed.

When you pick up a woman on CE, you're not picking up a girlfriend. Yes, sure, you never know what might happen, but you can't expect to start your relationship with her on terms like, "I'll be your one and only." She's looking for something casual for a reason, and despire popular cultural assumptions to the contrary, not all women are looking for sex only as a means to find a husband.

I like to think I'm pretty good at picking up when a guy has internal conflict on the good/bad girl issue that's going to spill into his interactions with me, but I haven't always been. It's an annoyance, but in the end, I feel bad for those guys, who are sketching themselves an impossible split: there are the women they fuck and the women they marry... well, that split is going to make it awfully hard for them to find a sing lifelong partner who will satisfy them, and they're never, so far as I can tell, looking for an out-of-the-box kind of arrangement like polyamory. Not to mention that I don't know any consensually nonmonogamous folks who would intentionally enter into a sexless marriage on the theory that, "Well, this one I'll marry and all the rest I'll fuck," regardless of the gender dynamics at play.