Perfection: the sneaky trap that leads to not getting any
Okay, I was going to post an entry today on a good CL ad from a man and talk about specifics that made it good, but, then, wouldn't you know it, I couldn't find one. So, instead, I'm going to expand on my post the other day and the idea of perfection.
We all fantasize about meeting someone perfect, someone gorgeous, brilliant, wealthy, kind, funny, generous, skilled, and who-knows-what-all-else. Maybe I picture him looking like Brad Pitt or you picture her looking like Marilyn Monroe, but we have these ideas. But the truth is that perfection isn't sexy. One those rare occasions when I've gone out with someone who comes off as more or less perfect, I end up not interested, for two main reasons: First, I know I'm not perfect, and in the face of such polish, I'm sure that I'm just a drab wallflower, and I must not have a chance at all. This may or may not be true in any of those cases, but that's how I experience it, so for my date to be too perfect is a big mistake on his part. Second, perfection is boring. Trying to connect to someone who's all shiny and smooth is like trying to glue a marble to the wall -- there's just not enough texture or surface area on any spot for things to stick.
Because of this, when I don't like someone I'm on a date with, I find myself feeling more and more shiny and smooth, presenting an increasingly bland and unaffected persona. And that then reinforces my feeling of disinterest when I meet someone who comes off as perfect.
What I find hot about meeting someone new is finding the texture, the substance, the character of him. These are the things that I hook into and that really pique my interest. Sure, when I say I want someone who's imperfect, I'm not talking about someone who only showers once a week or who drinks and drives. But at the same time, if you don't let someone see that you're a real person, someone they can connect to in a real way, you're not giving them much chance to show off the same about themselves, and they're likely not to get as interested as you might prefer.
When you're posting an ad, or responding to one, or when you're meeting someone for the first time, it's important to remember that what they're interested in is the person, not the facade. You want to come off as appealing, interesting, hot, sexy, and perfectly imperfect: approachable and human.
Comments
Once again, I pretty much agree with everything you say. However, I don't think most people are accepting of imperfection. I think people prefer facades.
Just speaking about looks, though, I definitely prefer someone who has flaws than someone who tries to approximate an airbrushed photograph. For example, I think it's really hot when someone has slightly crooked teeth. Absurdly white, straight teeth are weird to me. I also think a little cellulite is sexy. Like you said, perfection is boring.
As far as personality goes, I've already written about having criteria that the "perfect" person has to meet and how being with someone "perfect" doesn't necessarily equal a meaningful relationship.
It may sound pathetic, but I've just decided to be open to getting to know anyone. I used to be so shallow about the people I would get involved with. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. I mean, am *I* anyone to write home about?
I just had lunch at a restuarant with my family and the girl who waited on us was amazingly beautiful. At first, she looked very plain and average, but she was so nice and considerate and she had these beautiful, kind eyes. I fell in love with this girl, but a year ago I wouldn't consider even talking to her. Someone who is considerate and friendly and kind is way more attractive to me than someone who's just "hot" or whatever. I live in Orange County-- hot girls are a dime a dozen.
Posted by: aaron | March 10, 2006 6:34 PM