So, you got stood up. Now what?
It's always exciting to have someone respond to your email or ad, and even more exciting when that initial contact turns into something that looks like it will blossom into a face-to-face meeting, and, if all goes well, possibly more. But, every once in a while, there's the unfortunate stand-up. They're a blow to the ego, not to mention awfully disappointing in the moment (and if you're not disappointed, maybe that tells you a little something about how you really feel about the person you were to meet.) They've happened to the best of us (well, it's happened to me, so that's close enough to the best of us to rope in the whole category, right?)
Being stood up sucks, no question. And it's up to you how to respond. There are two main possibilities: you're still interested enough to try again, or you're offended enough that you're not. If you're offended enough not to want to try to make plans for the future, you're pretty much off the hook. If you want, you can email to castigate her or him, but there's not really much point. Maybe she emailed or called to apologize. You can either accept the apology and wish her well, or you can stay angry and decline the apology. Really, since you won't be having contact with her in the future, it's entirely up to you and how you feel.
But what if you were stood up and you'd still like to meet sometime in the future? The trick is to express your disappointment and anger but be willing to accept an apology if it's forthcoming. You don't want to bend over backwards for two reasons: First, you've been stood up, and you don't want to establish a pattern of putting up with bad behavior just because you're hot for the stander-up (trust me on this one) because, second, that'll make you seem desperate, and we all know that desperate is never hot.
Now, it's possible that your date won't apologize, either out of defensiveness or just plain old jerkishness. If this happens, move on. There's nothing more to be done there. Count your blessings that you found out she was an asshole before you started fucking her.
If she does apologize, though, be firm in stating your disappointment, but accept her apology gracefully. If she's honest and sincere in her interest, she'll be feeling lousy about having stood you up, anyway, and making her feel worse is likely to make her decide that it's not worth facing her embarrassment in order to see you again. If you really push it, she'll decide you're the asshole and she's actually glad she stood you up, if only so it meant she didn't sleep with you.
This is a tough balance, and I don't actually recommend it. When someone stands you up, it shows that she's not that into you, and unless you could as easily have stood her up, and thus have no particular emotional engagement, it's probably best to cut bait and fish another stream. If you think the sex might be hot and there's no particular emotional drama around the stand-up for you, then, hey, go for it. But watch out for a long pattern of this.
Personally, I can't imagine standing someone up who is someone I'm eager to meet or fuck, unless it's due to circumstances completely beyond my control (traffic, public transit strike), in which case, I'm usually glad to have exchanged phone numbers so I can call him and apologize that I'll be late or won't make it at all.
Tomorrow: You've stood someone up, but you really want to try again. What do you do?
