So, how do you avoid sex/love confusion?
It's so easy to conflate sex and love that I have resolved not to talk about love while in bed with a new lover. We all know that stereotype of the person calling out at the moment of orgasm, "I love you!" only to regret it moments later. That's a magnification of the easy slide from, "I feel good and happy when I'm snuggled up with you after sex," to thinking that this warm, snuggly feeling is love, to, "I love you."
Now, you may think that I'm doing this as a way to avoid emotional commitment (and I'll be the first to admit that I have commitment issues), but from my point of view, it's more about keeping my emotions honest than it is about keeping them safe. I don't want to confuse sex for love, because if I do, I'm doing my emotional landscape a disservice.
It's one thing to express love in post-coital bliss with someone with whom that relationship is already established, but it seems a foolish first time to say it. Sure, it's also an easy time to say it.
Never let it be said, however, that I recommend the easy option.
Comments
My momma always said never to believe anything a man said in the heat of passion. From personal experience, I'm sure that applies to women also. ;-)
Posted by: Lil | April 20, 2006 9:14 PM
Couldn't agree more. Has been my rule for years. If you feel like saying "I love you" in the thick of passion (or post-coital bliss) hold the thought for 24 hours, at least.
I've fucked this up at least once. :-)
(I will also admit that the last time I said "I love you" for the first time, I said it in the midst of a post-coital fog, but as we'd been dating for a year, and I'd been thinking it for weeks, I figured I was on pretty safe ground.)
Posted by: sapiophile | April 20, 2006 11:37 PM
Although I might add to you post that if you often find yourself biting back the urge to say "I love you" after wild sex with your craig's list conquests, you might want to re-evaluate whether casual sex is the right thing for you. :-)
Posted by: sapiophile | April 20, 2006 11:38 PM
sapio: not to worry; I haven't a sentimental bone in my body when it comes to my casual lovers :)
Posted by: ClueChick | April 22, 2006 8:55 AM
You are the best, thanks so much for the help.
Posted by: Caty Tota | July 31, 2006 6:13 PM