ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

Okay, today I was going to post something more thoughtful, but then this email arrived for me on OkCupid, and it wins the Worst Email of the Week award, so, naturally, I had to share:

hi
how r u
liked ur profile
reply if ur interested . i too love sex and u appeal to me a lot
luv n kisses

The email was, eloquently, titled "hi". Naturally, his profile is similarly empty of content and completely spelled out "you"s.

What would make his email better?

First, there's the obvious point of going to the effort of spelling out short words like "are" and "you". On the one hand, I know this is a bit elitist, but the truth is, guys, there probably aren't too many women who would ding you for writing real words, and there are lots who will ding you for not, so it's probably worth the extra keystrokes.

Second, he says he likes my profile, but he doesn't say why. This makes it hard for me to know if what he liked is real, or if he's projecting it onto me, or if he even read my profile. Because my profile is relatively complete, it wouldn't be hard for him to find something substantive to comment on: "I see that you're opinionated. That's such a coincidence, 'cause I have opinions, too! That's why we're a great match!" or "When I read that you have a blog, I knew I had to write you, because I think blogs are awesome." Or whatever, just give me something.

Third, and I know this one is an easy trap to fall into, but I always have to laugh when someone tells me that if I'm interested, I should get back to him. This comes in many forms: "If you like what you read, hit me back." or "You can email if you agree we're a good fit." In general, here, I suggest going with the more optimistic and less duh-inducing, "I can't wait to hear from you!" or something along those lines. Unless a woman is completely stupid, she knows that if her interest is piqued, the way to handle it is to respond.

Finally, signing off with love and kisses (or luv and...) is premature. On the one hand, it's a small thing, and on the other, it makes me think this guy isn't going to pay much attention to, oh, I don't know, reality.

Tomorrow: a good email approach and what I liked about it.