Feedback and relationship processing in casual encounters
I'm back! Thank you all for being so patient with my extended vacation. I had a super-fantastic couple of weeks, complete with some possibly life-changing experiences, a whole slew of incredibly hot people, and a couple of firsts. I hope you all had a great two weeks as well, and that your stories will keep rolling into my inbox; I'm quite enjoying reading them!
Today I'm going to talk about feedback in casual encounters. When one is in a relationship, it's clear when you need to give feedback to your partner, right? Or more clear, at least. But sometimes, in a casual situation, I might desire to give feedback but fear that doing so will start to push things away from casual and toward serious and committed. After all, I think to myself, if we're going to have a processy conversation, that looks a lot more like relationship than it does like casual.
On the other hand, sometimes a little conversation goes a long way to making things go more smoothly, or more hotly, or what have you. So, from time to time, I will go against my native avoidance of big, process-heavy conversations (I don't even like them in relationships, though I'm less likely to work hard to avoid them in that context) and bring up a topic for discussion on the theory that it'll make things better.
"Lover," I might say, "as you know, I hugely enjoy fucking you, and I especially like that thing you do with your tongue. But it would really help me to relax when I'm with you if you wouldn't bring cookies to bed with you. The crumbs drive me crazy."
Okay, it's true, that's not necessarily a big, dramatic Relationship Conversation, but in the context of casual encounters, I sometimes feel like any feedback is pushing up against an unspoken rule of "This is working as long as no one has to change anything for it to keep working." That's fine in a one night stand, but if you have an ongoing casual thing, it might well be worth your while to bring this sort of thing up, especially if it'll help make things hotter or more fun for you. To be casual, after all, isn't the same as not to have opinions. Luckily for me!
