Is casual sex counter to love?
I recently had a conversation with someone who said that she doesn't believe in love anymore, and that's why she's moved on to casual sex.
This made me sad. For me, casual sex and committed love are not contrary, not mutually exclusive, not somehow in competition in my life. In fact, part of the reason that I can be so comfortable with casual sex as a part of my life is that I see it as being more or less unrelated to love. (Although there can be love involved with casual sex. That's another post, though.)
I strongly believe in love, whatever it means to say I believe in something that's demonstrably present. Love is a powerful force, whether it be platonic or romantic.
For some people, casual sex may well be exclusive to a love-type scenario, but it's not a necessity. Some people have casual sex outside of an existing committed relationship (some with "permission", some without), some only have casual sex when they're single. But love and sex don't run along the same axis. There are areas of overlap, certainly, but they don't go hand-in-hand.
Comments
Heck, I've even heard tell of people who can do casual sex and love at the same time. (The "friends with benefits" thing, with a friend you love.) I don't think I could do it but I believe it exists. :-)
Posted by: sapiophile | May 21, 2006 11:15 PM
As someone who has seen a CE become real love, even though that had never been the plan, I do not think they are mutually exclusive. And the FWB example sapiophile mentioned is another real way it can happen.
Posted by: B | May 23, 2006 10:27 AM
sapio: Yes it happens :) I have FWBs I love. But is it casual? The friendship certainly isn't casual in that situation. The sex isn't entirely either, because it involves emotions that aren't usually part of sex in casual contexts... but that's just a difference in how it feels, not how we treat it. We still treat it as casual sex: no commitment to continue, no expectations, an understanding that it's not part of a Relationship, ...
Posted by: Cos | May 30, 2006 2:50 AM