What's the best casual sex: fuckbuddies, one night stands, or something else?
While I was away, B asked, in response to styles of casual sex, whether I have a preference of what style of casual sex to have.
I do, in fact.
I find one night stands tiresome. Because I expect some email exchange before arranging to meet someone, and then a non-sex meet-up first, before even getting around to the fun part, one-offs are a lot of work for not much payoff. Also, although I know some people really get off on the first time with someone new, I find that I have more fun in subsequent encounters. As I get to know a lover better, I relax more, and we become more comfortable with each other, not to mention moving into fun fantasy territory.
I enjoy the light, ongoing thing, where whenever we're both available and horny, we can make plans and have some fun. This is the epitome of no strings attached, for me, because it's very fluid, but by getting together regularly, a light relationship does form, which provides a platform for more adventurous exploration.
These days, however, my favorite is the friends with benefits style arrangement. Here, the sex may be casual but the relationship isn't, and depending on how you set things up, you may arrange playdates ahead of time, or just play it by ear like with the looser arrangement I described above. Mainly what I like about this is the opportunity to plan ahead, which, since my life is pretty full, helps me be sure to make time for sex (I know, it's kind of sad that I have to plan ahead for it, right?) in any given week.
In fact, recently, my sex drive is high enough that I'm considering actually picking up a regular old boyfriend so I can plan on having sex on an even more regular and frequent basis. But that's a whole different post :)
What about you all, readers? Do you have favorite formats of casual (or otherwise) sex?
Comments
Well my favorite style period is with my girlfriend. She's the first women I've had sex with that wasn't a one night stand or fuck buddy, and the emotional involvement makes for better sex (I don't know why that is, and I'll admit that I feel like a big girl just mentioning that:)). Plus we've been together for so long that we know what we like.
As for casual sex, it could go either way for me. I've had a lot of girls who were going to be one nighters turn into fuck buddies, and the sex was equally enjoyable on both accounts.
Posted by: DJ | June 3, 2006 5:55 PM
I really don't feel too comfortable unless I am in a relationship beyond a first time. One gets to know the other better and how to play the spots just right.
I do like the intensity of the never been here before feeling but it is not all that sustains me.
Posted by: Snort | June 3, 2006 10:45 PM
At some level, every casual sex encounter starts out as a potential one-nighter. After all, until you have sex for the first time, you do not know if you want to have it for the second time. If it was uninspiring or lousy, you are not going back, thereby making it a one-nighter.
Getting beyond that, a regular FWB is, in my view, the best form of casual sex. Having sex again and again over time, as the Chick says, allows you to get to know what works for your partner and allows your partner to get to know what works for you.
Also, the safety factor increases. There are always some risks whenever you engage with someone new. That lessens dramtically with an FWB.
Posted by: B | June 4, 2006 9:30 AM
At 19, I've never had sex. But as far as casual hook-ups go, I just don't trust myself enough for a friends-with-benefits arrangement. I think I'm just too emotional for it.
Posted by: Shakes | June 6, 2006 11:29 AM