ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

One of the things I like about having casual sex is that I have more opportunities for first dates than I would if I were in one or a couple of long term relationships. First dates can, on one hand, be tiring and wearing, but they can also be invigorating and exciting.

For example, right now, I'm about an hour and a half from meeting a new boy, about whom I'm feeling very optimistic, and I'm completely atwitter. I've decided, mostly, on what I'm going to wear, but I'm fussing about my hair, and you all will just have to take my word for it that I'm not a girly girl who spends a lot of time fussing and primping under normal circumstances. But this fluttery, anticipatory feeling is fun. Oh, sure, it's also a bit nerve-wracking, and about ten minutes before I leave the house, I'm going to have an attack of the I-don't-wannas, but I get off on intensity, and the intensity of pre-date jitters is no exception. And those pre-date jitters are, for me, most intense in anticipation of a first date, or when I know that in this date, something special is going to happen.

This is also a benefit to the guys I meet, of course, since the more anticipatory I am, the higher my emotional arousal is when we have that first face-to-face flirtatious conversation. The more emotionally "high" I am, the more flirtatious I am, and the more open I am to his flirtation, too. So, some of what determines whether I'll take a guy home with me is my emotional state before I even get dressed for the date. If I had a good day, he's more likely to find me relaxed and receptive to his approach. The reverse, naturally, is also true.

There's not, of course, a lot that guys can do to control what happens to me during the day before I meet up with them, but you can help me feel anticipatory about meeting you. Be friendly, relaxed, and comfortable in your communications with me. Don't get into the long, drawn-out email exchanges: after more than 5-8 useful emails back and forth, the likelihood of my anticipation being high is decreased. By all means, avoid extensive one-line email exchanges. If you want to have a conversation with me, ask for my IM name, or, if our initial emails seem to warrant it, my phone number. (You can give me your phone number, but I'm phone-shy and usually extremely unlikely to initiate the phone contact.)

The more I like you before we meet, the better your chances of getting me into bed, obviously, but if you take it too far, there won't be any mystery, and that takes the anticipatory edge off. Tease me with information, but don't overwhelm me with details: I'll want you to (pun intended) fill in the blanks later.