ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

You're a boy who likes something unusual. Something kinky. Something just a little bit off the beaten (ahem) path. How do you find the unusual girl of your dreams?

Often enough, the ad or profile you're responding to will give you a few hints as to the type of scenario she's interested in. Is she looking for a tender lover who likes to go down on her for hours? Does she like it rough? Pay attention to what she says. If it's the same sort of thing you go for, tell her that. What I most want in a guy trying to pick me up is someone who gets hot for the same things that get me hot. It does me no good to find a guy who wants to have me dress up like a schoolgirl if that's not gonna get me going.

There's no problem with you saying what you're into if you think there's a chance the woman you're responding to will go for it, too. After all, there's no way to know if you've met your perfect sexual match, that woman who will be happy to paint you with liquid latex and then trace all over it with ice cubes (for example) if you don't say that's what makes you hard.

On the other hand, however, there's no point in writing out that fantasy for the woman who posted that she's only interested in missionary sex with the lights turned off (now that's kinky). Will it hurt you to give it a shot? Not really, but don't be shocked when you don't hear back.

Women who are interested in a variety of things will usually indicate it by leaving some open-ended hints in their profiles or ads, while those who explicitly close doors won't be a good bet for trying those long-shot interests. In general, people who like one offbeat thing are more likely to like other offbeat things. But that's not to say that just because she likes to leave bite marks on her lover she'll also be interested in tying him up, much less dress him like a doll and sing nursery rhymes to him.

It's hard to find people whose interests match up, sometimes, but when you're into something unusual, you have the advantage of looking in a narrowed field, and, no doubt, with less competition in most cases. As long as you're not wallowing in shame about it (unless that's your thing), you'll probably find a good match eventually, though it may take some time.