ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

I recently received this query:

Why is sex so important in your life? I mean I of course understand people want to have fun and I'm not at all against it, but I think smoking pot while listening to good music, or drinking half a bottle of tequila while listening to rock music, or jacking off while looking at pictures and videos of your favourite kind of perversion on the internet is a lot better than usual sex, because, in these cases, you don't have to adapt to the wishes of somebody else and make him/her adapt to yours, but you can just do everything as you like. So, why?

I'm having a "same planet, different worlds" problem trying to think about how to answer this question. Maybe it's because I've never smoked pot? I have drunk half a bottle of tequila, though, and I like sex more, so maybe it's just a different experience of the same sorts of things.

It's true that playing by myself is pretty great, and it means I can do whatever I want to myself, within my abilities, and I would never, ever give up masturbation, but neither would I give up partner sex. In some ways, these two things are so different that it wouldn't even occur to me to compare them. It's like the difference between hanging out at home with a video vs. going to a party. I'm unlikely to do both in the same evening, but my life just wouldn't be complete without a bit of each, and some other stuff, too.

But, then, I've been accused of being a bit of a variety junky.

Still, why is sex important to me? For some of the very reasons that you seem to think it sucks: I like adaptingg to someone else's desires, and I like having others adapt to my desires. Having sex with someone else brings a totally different kind of energy into the bedroom (or living room, or kitchen, or...) [Note to roommates: Don't worry, I put a towel down on the couch, first.] Getting myself off is completely different from fucking, or sucking cock, and no matter how good I am with my fingers, having someone eat me out is a whole different thing, too. No matter how much I try, I can't give myself the same electric buzz of a lover's hand stroking down my back, and I don't care what kind of attachments they're selling for vibrators these days; there's nothing like having my lover fuck me from behind.

Even setting aside all of that, sex is great because it's an opportunity to connect with someone outside of myself. It's not a very popular attitude to have these days, but I really like people. I like the differences between them, and the similarities. I learn new things with every new person I meet, and the things I learn from new lovers are some of my favorites. I feel powerful when I'm having sex, and I feel vulnerable, exhilarated, protective and protected. I get a huge rush from sex with other people that is completely unlike the release I get from jilling off to porn on the internet.

I would no more trade sex for masturbation or alcohol (or vice versa) than I would trade people for books. For me, these are entirely orthogonal drives and desires.