Deal breakers in casual vs. committed relationships
One of the dangers of casual encounters, in my observation of myself and friends, is the risk of something casual becoming something serious. Why is this a danger?
In some ways, I'm pickier when choosing a casual partner. I'm much more likely to be shallow and look more at appearance than I do when I'm looking for a long-term steady. And I look less at personality than I do when I'm thinking about the guy as someone I'm going to spend a lot of time talking with. I'm fine with this, and it makes sense to look for different things from different people based on the role they're going to play in my life. Just as I wouldn't wear flip-flops to a formal event, I wouldn't take my casual fuckbuddy to dinner with my parents. Consequently, I'm less picky about my fuckbuddy's conversational skills, interpersonal interactional style and personal habits.
But what happens when I get attached to the casual guy, and he stops being so casual? Then I'm stuck with someone who swears too much to take home to mom and dad or who wears white after Labor Day or whatever.
In some ways, this is a good thing: Maybe I'm too picky, or the limits I put on who I'd Date date aren't as important as I think they are. It's not always bad when life teaches me a lesson, after all. But in some ways, it's a real risk. You won't find me fucking a republican, even just for fun, but my recent vacation fling was a smoker, which is normally a deal-breaker for me. I sure wouldn't want to end up in a steady relationship with a smoker, no matter how hot and awesome he is.
So, this is the sort of thing it's worth thinking about, at least a bit, if you're doing more than one night stands. If you're fully unwilling to think about something long term with someone who X, or if you deeply wouldn't want to be tightly intwined with someone who does Y, you might want to think very carefully about fucking a person who fits X or Y.
This doesn't stop me from choosing different people for one thing or the other, but at least I know who to blame if I make a misstep.
