ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

Poetry is a very iffy way to get a woman's attention. Have you seen how much crappy poetry there is out there? No, seriously, there's a lot. I'm sure the people writing it think it's good, but, wow, it hurts. And not in a fun way.

Therefore, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if your inclination is to respond to an ad for casual sex with poetry, don't. Poetry can be romantic, and it can be hot, but most often, it falls flat and is, frankly, a little embarrassing.

For example:

Subject: may the winds of romance bring the warmth of love (pick Me)

Body: Like roses in a garden, Kindness fills the air With a
certain bit of sweetness as it touches
everywhere For kindness is a circle that never, never
ends may the love we find just
begins I hope you like my poam, lets meet

Okay, now, to be fair, this guy obviously doesn't know the difference between casual sex and... uh... kindness? Love? I'm unclear, too. But what he needs, perhaps more than relationship advice, is an editor. What's with the weird capitalization? We're not even talking about Victorian capitalization of Significant Words here, since "with" and "for" get capitalized along with "kindness". Hmm. And I'm sorry to say that "poam" is self-snarking, because I'd really like to go somewhere with that, but I just can't.

I've read some hot poetry that would totally catch my eye as a response to a casual sex ad, but, somehow, it's never what shows up in my inbox. If you're inclined to go that route, run it by a few friends, first. Or, in a pinch, me. Because although I may laugh, I'm unlikely to be sleeping with you, anyway, and you know I'll tell you if it sucks.