Pondering pick-ups: what are the details that make a difference?
Thanks, guys, for your comments on who you make passes at last week. I have a two-part response, the first, which I'll write here, is a bit more about why I was asking, and the second, which I'll write in the next day or two, will answer G's question as to how someone can successfully approach me.
The reason that I asked in the first place, though, is that I get hit on a lot, but I don't really understand why. I'm basically average in terms of attractiveness. Some people find me hot, others find me unattractive, and probably most people don't notice me much one way or the other. But still, I get a lot of pick-up attempts out in the world, which can be entertaining, flattering, disturbing and baffling.
So, I got to wondering if men know why they hit on particular women. Is it a conscious thing? "She's hot, and I'd like to get to know/do her." Or is it an unconscious thing, relating to how she looks, moves, smells, or whatever? What is it about me that means I get hit on when my friends don't?
The most compelling theory is that I smile a lot, and I make eye-contact with people on the street. This probably makes me seem approachable. Also, I have a pretty "wholesome" look, which may make me less intimidating. Still, that doesn't really explain the guy who asked me to join him for coffee after riding up an escalator in front of him (presumably, he liked my ass.)
This comes up now because of the experience I had on my recent vacation, where things were more blatant than usual, which is not uncommon in my experience of tropical vacationy places, and I actually got stopped on the street more than once by a man who wanted to offer me... well, I wasn't always sure, since I didn't speak the language. But still. Meanwhile, the friends I was with didn't have such a dramatically remarkable experience, which, as you might imagine, got me thinking.
All of that also reminds me that I haven't told you all about the hot fling I had on my vacation, either. It's proof that pickups can work. But I'll have to save that story for another post, too.
Comments
"I smile a lot, and I make eye-contact with people on the street" - that's the ticket. I'm convinced that if you feel good, you're much more attractive than otherwise. Though, yeah, the guy on the escalator probably was sold on your (happy) ass. That goes both ways, too. I used to deliver pizza and I was complaining about how I wasn't doing as well on tips and my manager told me to be sure to put on the biggest, stupidest grin possible when I got out of the car, and wear it all the way to the door. Believe it or not, when I conciously made an effort to show up as the happy pizza guy, I'd take in 30% more in tips.
Posted by: ETS | October 2, 2006 10:56 AM
It certainly is the "wholesome" look and the fact that you smile a lot. Guys, ultimately, are more attracted to someone they can introduce to mom. At least I am.
Posted by: G | October 2, 2006 11:58 AM
It's the ass, no question.
Posted by: sapiophile | October 2, 2006 12:53 PM
I was wondering this exact thing just the other day. Like you, I consider myself average. I can primp myself up to look hot, or I can be my average self. But I was completely caught off guard the other day when I went out to the laundramat down the street. I hadn't showered. My hair was a mess. I was wearing pajamas (because it was laundry day). I couldn't have looked less appealing if I'd tried. And yet a stranger called me across the street to tell me how beautiful I was and ask me out. I just couldn't figure out what it was that made him want to go through that effort.
Posted by: MIss Knees | October 3, 2006 5:12 PM
You know, Miss Knees, that whole, "just got out of bed" look is a great way to trigger the "horny" response in most of us males, I'll have to think about why...oh, no I don't.
I am quite certain that, aside from dares from frat boys at bars, most guys rely primarily on some form of gut reaction short of nausea when it comes to making passes. Steven Colbert would be so proud.
Posted by: jketts | October 4, 2006 6:11 PM