What do I reveal when fucking?
Do you ever wish you could watch yourself having sex? Oh, sure, I know lots of people do the home video thing, but I'm most interested, actually, in seeing if my face is actually as expressive when I'm fucking as it feels like it is. Sometimes, when my lover has his fingers inside me and is watching my face, I feel like he can see all the way to a me that I barely know, who only comes out (pun intended) when my conscious mind is distracted by the all-consuming job of saying, "Oooooh, yeeeahhh!"
What, if anything, would I learn about myself if I could see that? Maybe nothing. But I know my lovers reveal something to me when I watch their faces while we fuck, and I don't doubt that the ones who pay attention get a glimpse of something from where they are, too.
I wonder if seeing myself in a camera would be the same, or if it's a matter of being in the moment, sharing that eye contact, opening up -- almost involuntarily -- to the immediacy of the experience?
Comments
Hmm... what would Freud say about the fact that you described your orgasm as being as result of manual stimulation? :)
Posted by: anonymous coward | November 3, 2006 12:42 AM
coward (hey, you picked the handle): Freud's take on women's sexuality is extremely limited by his social context. It probably wouldn't occur to him that I was talking about my first orgasm.
Posted by: ClueChick | November 3, 2006 9:02 AM
Clue, I've read your blog almost since its inception, and as a loyal reader, I will happily assist you in any way you require to conduct field studies on this problem.
Posted by: David in Chicago | November 3, 2006 9:47 AM
David: One of the (many) things I love about my readers is their dedication and willingness to go out of their way to be helpful. Thank you!
Posted by: ClueChick | November 3, 2006 9:49 AM
Follow-up: what if the geometry of the encounter doesn't allow either of you to see the other's face? Or do you prefer all first times to be face-to-face?
Posted by: David in Chicago | November 5, 2006 7:02 PM
David: It varies wildly depending on all kinds of things: mood, match, tone, etc. I certainly don't need first-times to be face-to-face, and, in fact, sometimes specifically don't want them to be. And, of course, some of my favorite things to do don't allow for watching of each other's faces! Unless there's a strategically placed mirror, of course.
I'm not sure that most guys are paying that much attention to what my face is doing, especially when it's a one night stand or other super casual event. I know that some guys really get off on the details, but in my experience, they're somewhat more rare.
As for me, I love watching my lover's face, but I don't always want him watching me with the same care. A woman's got to have her secrets, after all.
Posted by: Cluechick | November 5, 2006 9:13 PM