ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

Let's say you're meeting a woman face-to-face after having met online. She tells you that it's just a meeting in public, and she won't take it to a private setting that meeting, and you agree.

You enjoy meeting each other and hit it off conversationally. You think to yourself, "I know she said it wasn't going to go anywhere tonight, but maybe..." So, you make the offer to go back to your place or hers. She declines good-naturedly, in a way that makes it clear she's not offended. Maybe she even indicates regret as she does so.

If you are not sleazy, you will leave it at that. You may hope that she'll change her mind, but any further pressure from you on this point makes you a jerk. Why? Because she has been clear, and you agreed to the terms of the meeting from the outset. One proposal of a change of plans indicates your openness to that option, should it become available. Pushing beyond that indicates that you aren't going to listen to me when I tell you no. Guess what that means?

It means that I'm not going to get into a situation with you where your ignoring my "no" puts me in a dangerous or uncomfortable situation. So, I actually appreciate your giving me warning right up front that you're That Guy.

But maybe you're not That Guy. Maybe you just think that this is what you're supposed to do, or that I will forget that you would like to take me home if you don't reiterate it regularly? Maybe you're really, honestly a nice guy and you think that women say no when they really mean yes.

Unfortunately, some women do do that. But here's a question for you: Do you really want to be with a woman who isn't willing or able to make an affirmative choice? And do you really want to be with a woman whose "no" may or may not mean no? Doesn't that seem just a little risky to you?

You're probably a nice guy with good intentions, and you don't want to put a woman in an uncomfortable situation, right? You may think that this kind of pressure is just what's done in these settings, but it's bad news for all involved. Don't do it.