Things a woman probably isn't going to do the first time you meet her
When guys respond to my ads, they often have ideas about how our first meeting will go. Some of these ideas are unrealistic.
Things I probably won't wear to meet you:
* a wet t-shirt
* a latex bodysuit
* a vibrator (internal)
* nipple clamps (!!!)
* a tank top so tight my breasts pop out of it while we're talking
Things I probably won't say when I first meet you:
* "Hey, big boy!" (I always thought this was just a cheesy line from I-don't-know-where)
* "Let's get out of here and fuck!"
* "I forgot my panties."
Things I probably won't do when I first meet you:
* drop to my knees and unzip your fly without saying a word
* suck my finger suggestively while we talk
* hike up my skirt and finger myself while we talk
No, I'm afraid my first meetings are all very boring. But I do get a kick out of hearing people's fantasies, just as long as they're clear that they're fantasies.
Comments
I...I...I just...can't...are you trying to tell me you are a human being and not a paper cut out of a collection of stereotypes that some (many?) guys have about women who like sex? I feel so betrayed by porn, hentai, penthouse forum, et cetera. I think I need to go lie down.
Posted by: jketts | December 13, 2006 7:45 PM
What about taking me home and letting me watch you and your best friend have pillow fights in your bra and panties??
That can still happen on the first date ... right?? Anyone?? Bueller??
Posted by: T | December 16, 2006 3:05 AM
jketts: I'm so sorry! Here, let me apply a cold compress to your forehead using only my breasts... Oh, wait.
T: Actually, I totally do that on first dates. Performative bisexuality is so great!
Posted by: ClueChick | December 17, 2006 6:19 PM