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I have a backlog of questions to answer, and several interesting posts to write, but I'm having a week (I know it's only monday) that tells me that now is not the time.
I'm going to be taking a break from blogging here for a while. I hope it'll be a short while, but I don't know for sure. I'll let you all know when I have an idea of when I'll be back.
In the meantime, everyone should go out and have a margarita for me, and pick up someone hot to take home with you.
I have a very tiny confession to make.
Lots of guys send pictures of themselves with a bunch of friends, and about half the time, I end up wishing the guy sending me the email was one of the others.
It's great -- really great -- to see real life type pictures from guys, but you should definitely be sure that you're the best one in the shot before you send it on.
I just got an email containing the best typo I've seen in ages:
"This idea contains groins of truth..."
I want to see these groins of which he speaks!
I've been browsing the w4m ads in the w4m and CE sections for the past week to see what my competition is, and I have to say, I'm not impressed. In fact, I'm kind of amazed that any of you guys are still trying. Kudos to you! Also, are you crazy? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad there are still hundreds of you out there responding to my every post, no matter how vapid (I'm kidding, of course. I never post vapid ads.) But, seriously, are you nuts?
Well, let's assume you are, and that you have a mailbox dedicated to responding to CL ads that you don't mind dumping and replacing every few months when it is overtaken by spam. I noticed a feature of many of the (few) w4m ads that struck me as real:
Real women are picky.
That is, most of the realistic sounding ads listed not only qualities that they were looking for, but characteristics that disqualified some groups of men, in some cases, large groups of men. Most of the super unrealistic ads say things like, "No matter who you are, I'll fuck you!" Is anyone dumb enough to believe that? Come on. But even the vaguely unrealistic ones tended to leave that open. But, by my count (though I'll admit I didn't respond to more than a handful), almost any ad that attempts to narrow the field by specifying age, marital status, experience level, or what have you, is much, much more likely to have a real person behind it.
I had an interesting conversation with a potential fuckee recently, talking about safer sex and in what circumstances each of us requires condoms to be in play. Earlier in the evening, while comparing notes on previous experiences, he told me that he'd met up with a couple of men he met on CL and that in the case of the one who wanted to give him a blow job, he had insisted on a condom for that. This is well within the range of normal safer sex precautions, so it didn't stand out particularly until we were talking specifics about what we might do.
Naturally, I assumed that his expectation would be to use condoms for fellatio, so you can imagine my surprise when he told me, "Of course, I'd be happiest not using condoms for oral."
Whoa! What?
Now, this is also in the realm of what I consider normal safer sex precautions, but I was struck by the fact that he would insist upon it with one person and not with another, particularly because, if I may brag, I get around a bit, so it's not like I'm a no-risk lay. So what was going on there? Maybe this other fellow was also very slutty? I asked. No, he was more of a shut-in.
This left me with the most obvious (to me) conclusion that in this case, the condom would serve as a protective barrier not against potential STIs, but, rather, against potential psychological infection. I don't know if this was about limiting intimacy and vulnerability to emotional connection or fear or worry about the gayness of having his cock sucked by a man, but I was struck by his calm explanation that you can get STIs through oral sex (obviously true) and that's why he insisted on condoms in this case.
Why not with me? I asked, of course, and he said that it was because he knows I'm reasonable and cautious and get tested regularly. If I could cross my eyes, I'm sure that I would have been while trying to wrap my head around this explanation.
There are plenty of good reasons to use condoms, and if one of them is that it allows you protection against ideas or intimacy that you want to avoid, that's fine, but it's probably a good idea to acknowledge to yourself that that's what you're doing. And ditto the reverse.
This is how a "Thanks, but no, thanks," conversation should go:
[I had just explained to him how some of the things he said in an earlier conversation had made me disinclined to meet up with him.]
NG: then let's skip to the next medium, and let me try to convice you over the phone in order to avoid any misinterpretations
ClueChick: no, thanks, though
ClueChick: I'm happy to keep chatting here from time to time, but not really motivated to try to take it anywhere
NG: ok, well i don't want to beg you or anything, just seemed like someone i'd have a good time with, and you turned me on so i thought we could have some fun .... i don't want to try to convince you, i would much rather have you actually want me instead .... but if you decide to change your mind, that would be cool
ClueChick: ok, thanks :)
NG: ok, otherwise, i'll chat with you here and there .... sorry for turning you off like that
Very, very cool. I may even change my mind about him.
Today, a friend pointed me to the best m4w ad, ever. Click here to see it while it's still up, or simply read it below if the link has expired:
Headline:
Oh man.
Body:
You would not believe how awesome I am.
Let's make out.
"Nice guys finish last," the saying goes, and there seem to be lots of guys who finish last who have decided that this must mean that they're nice guys. They get the short end of the stick or the wrong side of the coin toss one time too often, more than they deserve (or so they think) and this is proof that the world is against them, even though they really are just so nice, no, really, they are.
I call these guys assholes in nice guy clothing, and they're one of my least favorite types. These are the "nice guys" who use their status as a "nice guy" to try to get their way. Is that nice? I don't think so. They think that it doesn't count as being pushy if they ask nicely, even if they're asking for the 10th time, and even if they're asking after they've been requested to stop. Nice? No. These may be the guys who creep me out the most of all of the yucky jerky types out there, because they aren't always as obvious as the guy who comes out and announces with pride that he's an asshole. (Not to mention that I've found that plenty of the guys who do that turn out to be standouts in the decency department, using the "asshole" title as a way to protect their secret sensitive sides.)
Assholes in nice guy clothing are the sorts who will say they respect women and then turn around and expect women to sleep with them merely on the basis of their being "nice". They reject the idea that women might actually have tastes and preferences and tag as "frigid" or "bitchy" any woman who has the nerve to turn them down. It's not that she's reasonably exercising her particular tastes but that she's a bitch who can't see how good he is because she only wants bad boys.
Well, I'll tell you, I'll take a bad boy who listens to me when I tell him what I want from him than a "nice" guy who ignores what I say:
AiNGC: I still pray for one more chance
AiNGC: well any chance I can get.
AiNGC: one more crack, it's a new year, after all
AiNGC: *grin*
ClueChick: are you familiar with the phrase, "No means no."?
AiNGC: yes
ClueChick: Do you know what I assume about men who pressure me to do
something after I have declined?
AiNGC: pressure?
AiNGC: I just asked nicely
ClueChick: see, asking nicely, after having been told clearly not to,
is pressure
ClueChick: it's just "nice guy" pressure. it's like an asshole in nice
guy clothing
AiNGC: LOL
AiNGC: you have me pegged well
AiNGC: but it's more persistence than anything else
ClueChick: from where I'm sitting, it means you don't take what I say
seriously
ClueChick: this is a pretty common problem among men
ClueChick: they think women don't really mean it when they say
something the guy doesn't want to hear
ClueChick: but when I say no, I mean it, and I clearly remember
explaining this to you in a past conversation
AiNGC: ok
AiNGC: won't ask again
AiNGC: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ClueChick: and I believe that at that time, i said I would be happy to
talk to you in the future, but I don't like having to say no, and please
don't make me do it again
AiNGC: you did that too
AiNGC: was hoping you forgot though
ClueChick: ah, and if I had forgotten it, would that make it okay for
you to ignore my request?
AiNGC: well ok to you
AiNGC: since nobody would have been harmed
ClueChick: which shows me how much you respect me and my requests
ClueChick: thus: asshole in nice guy clothing
AiNGC: ok no more asking
AiNGC: I know your memory is good
(I love that he ends this conversation not with, "Sorry to be an asshole," or "You're right, I didn't respect your request," but, rather, "Your memory is good," which is to say, obviously, that he doesn't think his asking was wrong, just his underestimating my memory. Seriously, this is one of my least favorite types of people, EVER.)
You wouldn't, most likely, know it from this blog, but in person, I'm quiet and demure...
Well, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but I am not Ms. Bold, striking out into bars across the country and picking up men with a flick of my wrist. But I'm always trying to be more bold, because I don't see a whole lot of use in being shy. And along those lines, one of the things I've long fantasized about doing is giving a guy my panties on a first date. You know, just to let him know things are going okay.
There are some tricks to this:
First, I have to be wearing panties I'm willing to give away, even if temporarily (I hope!). Normally, I'm wearing some of my favorite panties on dates, because they're sexy and they make me feel flirtier. In order for a guy to inspire me to hand over my favorite thong or my hot boy-cut lace panties, he's got to be really awesome. Or I have to be really horny. Or, ideally, both! That's a high bar.
Second, I have to be wearing a skirt. Pants and no underwear is not a good combination. You'll have to take my word for it. Or you can try it yourself if you like!
Third, I... no, actually, there are just the two things.
Well! 2007 is off to a great start, because last night, I gave a guy my panties (one of my favorite thongs, even!), telling him, "You can give these back to me when we next meet."
Pinch me!
God, I am such a yuppie! How did this happen? Aren't I supposed to be subversive and wild and shifting paradigms left and right? Oh, sure, it sounds good, but when you get right down to it, I'll go to the lounge around the corner from my house and listen to Top 20 tunes and sip a girly drink any day of the week before I go to the grungy bohemian dive down the street. And you know what? I'm okay with that. And you want to know why? Because it is awesome to make out behind the dumpster of the lounge, while the dive has no good alleys at all.
Go figure.
Happy new year, all! I hope everyone had a delightful vacation (those who got one) and enjoyed whatever celebrating or not-celebrating you might have done last night. I rang in the new year by kissing as many of the attractive people in my presence as I could over the course of the night. It was great.
I've been thinking about new year's resolutions, and I'm not sure I have any. I mean, I could say I'm resolved to fulfill more fantasies (mine and others) in the coming year, but, well, that's what I've been doing, anyway, so I'm gonna just keep on with it. I could say that I'd like the opportunity to toss my drink in a man's face, just to say I have, but that would mean I have to go on a date with someone who pisses me off enough that I let go of all my deeply-rooted manners. That doesn't sound like fun.
Okay, no new year's resolutions for me, then. But what about you?
