Kissing and asking
I'm going to get a bunch of details wrong in this post, I bet, because I'm too lazy to verify my memory, and that's not the main point, anyway. Following up on my last post, on first kisses and asking permission:
Back in the mid 90s, Antioch University (I think) decided to deal with a problem they were having with date rape and sexual harassment on campus by making a rule that a person had to verbally ask his or her partner's permission before taking a makeout session to the next level. There was a big stink about this on college campuses everywhere (or maybe just mine) and in a variety of newspapers. Absurd! they decried. How unreasonable!
Well, it did strike me as stiff, but after thinking about it a bit, I realized that it could actually be incredibly sexy to have a partner ask, if he did it in a creative way. No eye rolling or heavy sighing, but if he did it with a twinkle, so that it was an anticipatory rush, or a tease. He could ask permission to take off my shirt, and then not do it, leaving the potential to blossom in my mind. I could ask if I could slip my hand into his pants and watch his eyes react to the idea...
And that's when it occurred to me that asking permission to kiss someone could be entirely sexy. There are the other classic ways of making a first move, and they have a lot going for them, but in a setting where you want to be sure not to make an unwanted advance, and you think there is a not unreasonable chance of misreading signals, I go with the explicit question every time. And it's not even a fall-back. Try it; you'll like it!
Comments
Thanks CC, I'll give it a go. I actually had a date yesterday...we ended up playing pool and when she won the game, our first kiss was a congratulatory one on the lips...many more followed. Awesome.
Posted by: Oz | February 28, 2007 6:25 PM
I'd love to hear about these other classic moves as well :-)
Posted by: Oz | February 28, 2007 6:40 PM
It's only sexy because it's optional.
Posted by: Adam | February 28, 2007 7:14 PM
Ooooh. Making a game out of it (the good kind of game that we like to learn, because new fun things to do with our sweeties is made of awesome) is such a nifty idea! I'll have to try this, and soon...
Posted by: GreyDuck | February 28, 2007 7:23 PM
I've always asked, since I am incredibly shy.
Posted by: G | March 1, 2007 7:22 AM
I remember the controversy over the Antioch college rules, and at the time I remember thinking wow, what a ridiculous thing they're making people do! It wasn't just about the fact that they made it a rule - a lot of commentary was about the actual process of asking at each step, and how crazy that was. I didn't think about it much.
I remember, years later, one day being reminded of the Antioch college rules controversy at random, and having an epiphany: "Hey, that process they described? It's exactly what I do with every new partner! I guess the idea wasn't that ridiculous, was it?"
I know that I hadn't thought of Antioch's rules in years, and when the controversy first erupted I'd never had sex yet. I just developed the same process, on my own, for my own reasons.
Posted by: Cos | March 1, 2007 11:15 AM
Hey youse,
Had a(nother) date on Saturday night and after some time said, "Sooooo, can I kiss you now?" I got the answer I was looking for! Sigh.
Posted by: Oz | March 4, 2007 5:22 PM