ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

Oh, hey, look, it's Valentine's Day! I suppose the obvious tip for today would be something like, "Buy your chocolates tomorrow!" But instead, I'd like to say a few words about something that has nothing to do with that, nor with picking people up online. Rather, I'd like to talk about one of my favorite things in sex: noise.

When I first started having sex, I was incredibly quiet. I'm naturally fairly quiet and internal (not that you all would know that about me, so just trust me on that) and my first lover practically had to pry any noises out of me. Part of that was shyness, part of it was the fact that a lot was going on in my head and without practice, I didn't know how to translate that into movements and sounds to clue my lover in on what was good, and part of it was that incredibly stupid desire that many teenagers (and adults!) have that their lover should somehow read their minds to discern how to touch them.

So my lover made me make noise, and after a while, that came to be more natural, though there's also part of me that loves playing in settings where it's important not to make noise. (In fact, one of my favorite places for solo play, when I can get away with it, is on airplanes.) And now, in karmic revenge on his behalf, one of my big frustrations with men is their inclination not to make much noise in bed. So let me tell you why you, whether you're a man or a woman, should make noise:

1. It's hot. Who doesn't get turned on from getting a reaction from their partner? And how do you know you're getting a reaction? Body language and noises, especially the ones that seem involuntary: gasps, moans, shudders, whimpers. Come on, even reading the words is hot.

2. It tells your partner that you like what she's doing. If I'm nibbling a guy's ear and getting no reaction, I'll assume he doesn't particularly enjoy that and move on. I enjoy wandering around a man's body, don't get me wrong, but I'm also happy to linger at the points that are especially interesting for him. But only if he gives me a road map. Moaning when I lick your collarbone is a good way to clue me in to the fact that you like what I'm doing and want more.

3. It tells you that you like what's happening. This is the one that surprised me most when I first started making noise: Hearing myself responding to the attentions of my lover creates a feedback loop that is self-reinforcing. I hear myself sigh, and my brain says, "Oooh, we're really turned on right now!"

4. As a man, if you make noise, you will be in an extremely small minority, and women will love it. Trust me.