ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

More backlog in readers' questions:

To start with, I'm a 20 year old virgin. I've made a few postings on the CL CE section in my city over the last two months with little luck. I've tried posting ads that mentioned I was a virgin, and a couple that didn't. For the most part, I usually don't get any responses (from women, at least) which I suppose probably shouldn't surprise me, given the over 50 to 1 ratio of men and women.

Oh, boy.

Okay, so, CE is great. And it's especially great for people who have unusual predilictions, interests, leanings. And it's not inconceivable that someone who has an interest in virgins would be looking there. But it's not likely. And it's especially not likely that the person looking for virgins will be a woman.

Here's the thing: Our culture has a weird hard-on for female virginity. There are plenty of stories about the deflowering of this woman or that one, and the whole bloody sheet ritual that could be, for all I know, myth and legend, but it's still part of our zeitgeist. Firsts are always a big deal, but few firsts are built up to the same impressive, overblown status as the first time a particular pussy meets a cock. Especially if that cock already has a few miles on it and knows what it's doing. In the mythos of our sexual culture, the man should know what he's doing, and he should share his sexual prowess with the inexperienced young woman.

This puts young, inexperienced men at a distinct disadvantage. While not all women demand that their lovers know what they're doing, most do, and few want to deal with what they may perceive as a training exercise. After all, many of us have had to lead even experienced lovers to the promised land. Why would we want to start from scratch?

Now, don't tell me all the good reasons there are for taking a young lover who I could get started with before he has any bad habits. I know there are good reasons to do so, but I also know there are good reasons to avoid it, and, ultimately, the thrill of the first doesn't get me over the hump. And I think that's likely to be true for other women, too.

On another note, as you may imagine, I'm not particularly one to romanticize sex, but I probably wouldn't suggest a casual encounter for one's first sexual experience, either. I have plenty of friends who had that experience, and they liked it, and they're all healthy and happy now, so I certainly wouldn't say my take on this is the only good way to do it, but I'm glad for myself that my first sexual experiences were with people I was dating.

If you're convinced that you want to lose your virginity through the facilitation of the internet, I suggest that you not advertise it as such. Don't lie and make like you know all there is to know about sex, because, frankly, you're sure to embarrass yourself. I don't know how, but it'll happen. I won't tell you the stories of the things I look back on from my early days having sex that make me cringe. Let's move on.

The thing about virginity is that it seems like a burden when you have it, but we pretty much all get rid of it eventually, so don't sweat it too much. Get out there, have fun, and the sex with come in good time. Probably once you've given up feeling desperate and settled for feeling resigned.