No, really, there's more to sex than cock
I think I will never fail to be amazed at how very many men think that their penis is the one and only selling point when picking up chicks online.
It's not only the profiles or CL responses that consist of a few "words" and a picture of a cock, but it's also profiles or responses that have no photo but a lot of words about the owner's cock. Is there really so much pressure on men to have big cocks that they can't imagine that a woman could possibly care about anything else? If so, where is this pressure coming from? I mean, I enjoy a big cock as much as an average or small one, but it's nowhere on my list of required characteristics. If I were going to be shallow about the cocks I fuck, I'd go into more detail about shape and proportion than size, anyhow.
I, of course, would have to be pretty hard up to respond to an ad or an email that consisted exclusively (or nearly so) of a photo or description of a dick, but let's talk about this a little bit more. Why don't cock shots make me hot? In part, it's because almost every guy has one, so it's not like its presence sets him apart in any interesting or useful way. In part, it's because relying on it demonstrates a lack of imagination that I assume would translate to extremely boring sex. In part, it's because I also envision that extremely boring sex would be extremely cock-focused. And, hey, I love me some cock, but, really, no matter how fast and easy I am, I want to start with face, mind and body.
Face: I fully admit that I am a shallow bitch. If I don't think you're attractive -- and I'm not saying you have to be Denzel Washington (sigh!), but attractive -- I'm not going to want to kiss you. And if I'm not going to want to kiss you, I'm not going to want to get naked with you. And if I don't want to get naked with you, it doesn't matter how gorgeous or huge your cock is.
Mind: I don't even have anything interesting to say on this topic. We all know the brain is the biggest sex organ. Let's move on.
Body: Do you move your body like you really live in it? Do you seem to take joy in it and think creatively about using your whole body to seduce me? If not, again with the not getting around to seeing your cock.
Ultimately, I think the weight such a large proportion of men seem to put on their cocks as the only important thing in a casual encounter demonstrates yet another way that our society is deeply fucked up about sex, so even though I find it kind of pathetic and annoying in the individual cases, as a trend, I find it depressing.
I think I'm gonna go pick up someone smart, hot and creative to drown (ahem) my sorrows.
Comments
Hell yes.
I can do just as much with my hands, or my mouth, or, in one particularly interesting encounter, my upper thigh and left elbow- as I can with my cock. I've even successfully used my eyelashes to titillate, although that one is less successful if she's really ticklish.
Good post, CC.
Posted by: Steven | December 14, 2007 5:27 PM
I think you missed the big reason that guys do this - perhaps the only reason.
These guys don't know how to get women, this is clear. They do know, however, the kind of behavior that *they're* attracted to and what *they'd* respond to.
Flip the genders for a second. If a woman posted a photo of her breasts on craigslist, or described the physical features of her body in great detail - there are few guys who wouldn't be interested.
It's idiotic, but these guys are just projecting their own tastes onto women, apparently unable to conceive that men and women might be different in this regard. I don't think it's anything more or less than that.
Posted by: Eric | December 14, 2007 7:01 PM
I would disagree, Eric, that it's a fundamental difference in what women and men find interesting. Or, rather, that it's as simple as that. The other part of it is that the economics of the social world, especially the dating world, and especially especially the casual sex world, is that women get to pick and choose.
Sure, if I post a picture of my breasts on CL, I'm going to get a shitload of responses from men slavering to have their chance to woo me, but that's because I'm a rare commodity. If I were one among 50 women posting our breasts to the internet, only a couple of us might hear back ... and we might consider doing something above and beyond that to set ourselves apart from the crowd.
I don't see this as a difference between men and women, categorically, but between the positions we are in in the social marketplace.
Posted by: Cluechick | December 14, 2007 11:38 PM
I think you are mistaking their motives. I don't think men are sending you cock pics and descriptions because they think it will entice you; I think it is because they get an exhibitionist thrill from displaying their cocks. It's a modern day version of the trench-coat clad flasher, and the flasher was never doing it to impress the chicks.
Posted by: sapiophile | December 15, 2007 6:48 AM
You have written something I soooo agree with. And you've touched on all the points that a woman feels about seeing such pictures.
Sapiophile, may have a point also in that men that are proud of that part of themself seem to have a need to show it off. But really - how very narcissistic. And therefore not really someone we want to spend time with...because no good conversation.
Posted by: Rosie | December 16, 2007 9:25 AM
In the end, don't you write about what you are interested in most? I believe it stems from what they center on in sexuality and "maleness." Mix in fears of adequacy and, voila, cock pics.
I know I need more just my cock involved. Its a given that it will be, but there is just so much more to do.
Posted by: Onemaster | December 17, 2007 3:49 PM
Hm, it's what they think poses the only real and obvious difference between being male and female, what constitutes the binary sex logic beaten into most humans in the world for centuries now.
Posted by: classless | December 24, 2007 5:50 PM
after i posted the below ad on my local CL someone sent me this link -- LOVE THIS POST!!
___________________________
One of you pussies had my post flagged and removed (it's been up for weeks), to which I laugh in your general direction. Guess you don't like reading the truth. That cock photos do not do it for women. If you have the guts to flag it again for removal why don't you send me a message about why you don't like what I'm saying. Thanks. Anyway, here it is again, you punks. =)
I don't believe for a minute that the ridiculously bad photos of your cocks actually get women (or girls as you all like to call them) to respond to your Craigslist ads. So this is a shout out to y'all to tell me whether you actually meet women for NSA fucking through CL and do they tell you they like your cock photos. Think of it as your friendly CL poll. Tell the truth! If you want instruction on how to take a better cock photo, ask me. I am here to serve.
Peace.
Posted by: stacey | December 29, 2007 2:55 PM
ya know, though, that cock thing isn't JUST a narcissistic exhibitionist thing...i.e., it's a REAL mindset, not merely a tendency towards flashing pictures of dick at any potential hook-up.
i was propositioned online (had my yahoo chat program open, and a random guy popped in to say hi) a few months ago, not involving any photo exchange at all. he went on and on about amazing cock, which i was quite indifferent to (i mean, i can tell you i'm the pope when we're im'ing, doesn't make that true either). we had a whole conversation where i kept repeating that the size of his dick had nothing to do with how i felt about it, which he utterly would not believe. "you're trying to tell me there is no difference in a 4" cock and a 10" one?" he said. my answer - which dick is attached to the guy who thinks i'm amazing, which is attached to the guy who lavishes plenty of foreplay on me, which is attached to the big brain that knows how to turn me on, because THAT's the dick i want - was utterly confusing for him.
Posted by: fireweaver | January 11, 2008 8:55 PM