more "do nots" from Sapiophile
Hi, it's your friendly local sapiophile here, taking over briefly for the esteemed 'Chick while she's on vacation.
I've been on a tear in Craigslist recently which has given me a chance to accumulate some real gems of CL bad ideas!
Let us say your email exchanges have gotten you as far as meeting me for coffee, or maybe even into your apartment, and you want some tips on what to do next? You might want to avoid:
- taking a mobile phone call while we are together. Maybe just turn it off before we meet and turn it back on we part. If some call comes in that is really life or death critical, consider making it minimally short instead of chatting, okay?
- going dutch. Well, okay, fine, we can split the bill on lunch if we must...doesn't win you any points but doesn't lose you any either. Unless, after I've ordered my meal, you order yours and an expensive appetizer to share, without asking me. In which case, sorry, you are now obligated to pick up the tab.
- overplaying your hand. Just because I agreed to have a drink with you does not mean I'm now off the market, need to negotiate other hookups with you first, or will take kindly to a suggestion that I should pull my ad, having found, at last, the best guy available.
- whining about your [ex]wife, girlfriend, whatever. Really, I probably don't want to hear about her at all, but if we are to discuss it, I don't really want a long litany of her sins against your sainthood, about how criminal the level of alimony is you have to pay, or all the other ways she done you wrong. A wistful shake of the head and a "things didn't work out the way we had hoped they would" is all I need to know.
- whining about anything. While there may be many sucky areas of your life, I didn't sign on as therapist. I'm certainly open to entertaining the idea that you are human with failings and feelings -- that's a plus. But read above about the wistful shake of the head. Practice it. Perfect it! The first date is not the time to share in open, angsty detail about your struggles with drugs or gambling or weight, about how unfairly your boss treats you, or about the scam artists you fell for. What makes you think this is sexy?!
- forgetting condoms. Dude, you're trying to hook up, this just makes you look stupid.
One last note: I hook up on CL. Several of my best friends hook up on CL. Several of their friends hook up on CL. And we all love to talk about it. Which means if you piss off one of us, you've just shut yourself off of access to everyone. Among other things, if you promise a wicked wild sexual ride, and what you deliver is a 2 minute fuck followed by rolling over...word will get around quick that all you are looking for (or offering) is warm body masturbation.
Comments
going dutch. . Well, okay, fine, we can split the bill on lunch if we must...doesn't win you any points but doesn't lose you any either. Unless, after I've ordered my meal, you order yours and an expensive appetizer to share, without asking me. In which case, sorry, you are now obligated to pick up the tab.
Personally, as a CL hook up girl, I assume I'm paying for my own meal. And if we split the bill, we only split it evenly if we ordered similarly priced things. I have no expectation of getting dinner, drinks or snacks from the guy I'm picking up.
Posted by: Julia | May 19, 2008 2:31 PM
Frankly I don't care who pays as long as there aren't financial negotiations involved, and once we get into "well, you ordered this and I ordered that but you ate part of mine but I had a drink and..." I'm gone.
And really, the part where he lost me was ordering for me and then expecting me to split the bill. He was quite clear, too. "I'll have the salmon, and also an order of oysters for the lovely lady and me to share, please". At that point, he's obligated to treat...
(We can also get into him referring to me as "the lovely lady" to the hapless waiter, but that's another rant for another day)
Posted by: sapiophile | May 19, 2008 2:43 PM