ClueChick: real clues from a real chick

I think part of the reason it seemed relevant to share these chat logs is that I credit my friends witha lot of great knowledge, and, further, support. Once upon a time, I was a relatively uptight, corn-fed kind of girl who was accepting (but also a tad scornful) of people who had casual sex. "Oh, sure," I used to think, "that's fine for them, but I'll never do anything like that!" My transition from sweet, innocent girl-next-door to internet sex blogging slut-next-door would have been a hell of a lot harder if my friends weren't so damn awesome.

Not to mention that a) I often learn something new from my friends and b) these conversations are hot!

Continue reading "Sex talk is fun! (part 2)" »

Posted by ClueChick at 7:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Tonight, and tomorrow, I'm taking the extremely easy out of posting excerpts from a very entertaining chat I had with a bunch of friends this afternoon. I'm going to put the main part of the post behind a jump for a change, because it's rather long. I have no idea if this will be interesting for you all to read, but if nothing else, I'm keeping myself entertained here!

Continue reading "Sex talk is fun!" »

Posted by ClueChick at 7:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

So, there was this guy. He responded to an ad of mine and seemed interesting, so I wrote back. He responded to that with his IM handle. Cool. Then, he wrote again 10 minutes later to say that if I wasn't interested, I should let him know. Hmm. This was a bad sign: paranoia and clinginess when I don't write an email right away does not bode well for a casual relationship. Still, it wasn't a deal breaker, so we arranged to talk later in the day on Thursday:

cluechick: hey
random dude: hey, how's it going?
cc: okay, thanks, you?
rd: okay
cc: still catching up on sleep from last weekend
rd: yeah? what did you do that you're so tired?
cc: oh, I had a big weekend with friends
cc: it was really busy, and I didn't get a lot of sleep
rd: what were you doing?
cc: *launches into explanation of the weekend*
rd: can I say something?
rd: just lay off all this shit and talk to me, we're not getting any younger
cc: uh. I'm sorry, I assumed when you asked me a question, you actually wanted me to answer your question
cc: my bad
rd: lol what question? I didn't ask you anything!
cc: *pastes his question back to him*
rd: Yeah, I asked what you were doing and you just started rambling on and on
cc: ...
cc: I'm sorry, this whole exchange is really rubbing me the wrong way
rd: well, chill out! lol you don't have to take it so seriously
cc: wow, condescending much?
rd: only when people don't understand my yankie sarcasm
cc: I'm not feeling motivated to continue this conversation
rd: what??

I can't make this shit up.

Posted by ClueChick at 5:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

I recently had this IM conversation with a would-be paramour:

thecluechick: so tell me what you like
[insert flirtatious conversation here]
dud(e): and i like to cum on a girls clit
dud(e): and then rub it around on her and in her
thecluechick: um. seriously?
dud(e): yeah, its so hot
thecluechick: well, you won't be doing that with me, because I don't want to get pregnant
dud(e): lol
dud(e): you cant get pregnant from that
thecluechick: Er. Yes, you can. Well, one can. [You can tell I'm no longer flirting when I start capitalizing and punctuating.]
dud(e): once it hits the air, nothing can happen, so as long as I cum outside first, its ok
thecluechick: Where did you learn this? Because it's totally wrong.
dud(e): in school
thecluechick: Shitty school!
dud(e): and my doctor too
thecluechick: Really? You should sue your doctor. That's wildly dangerous disinformation. Not only can you get someone pregnant that way, but there's also a high risk of STD transmission.
dud(e): i don't think so
thecluechick: You should do some research before you run around doing this with just anyone. Also, we won't be getting together.

People, really. I figure this guy made up the part about his doctor telling him that was okay because he thought I would chill out about it if a doctor had given it the thumbs up. That's sleazy and lame, but I'm more concerned about the vast lack of knowledge here. If you're going to fuck around, get your ducks in a row, and know what risks you're taking for yourself and your partners. Take responsibility for yourself by asking questions, demanding protection at a level that suits your comfort, and getting STD tests on a regular basis. And, for god's sake, please, please read up on what the risks are.

Don't be a dud.

Posted by ClueChick at 8:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

sapiophile: I'm confused about your aversion to men looking to pay for sex
cluechick: I don't think they're all doing it because they get off on it
cluechick: if it's a kink, it seems fine to me
sapiophile: I can't believe cluechick is criticising it for being objectifying. cluechick likes to be objectified :-)
cluechick: cluechick likes to be objectified personally and in the bedroom
sapiophile: I'm sure they aren't, but it wouldn't surprise me if most of the "no pro" ads were for the kink of it
cluechick: she finds it annoying when it's reflective of a systematic pattern that falls along gender lines
sapiophile: hmmm. I like to be objectified by MEN. it is definitely reflective of as systemic gender pattern
cluechick: if it's a kink, they should say it is (and some do, and those ones don't particularly bother me)
cluechick: systemic gender pattern for YOU
sapiophile: well, but reflective of a larger social pattern
cluechick: and probably not a healthy one
sapiophile: I have no doubt the origins of my kink lie within the patriachy
cluechick: thus, the peeve
cluechick: anyway, what the peeve REALLY is is people not being clear abou what they want. do you want to pay because it gets you off? fine. you want to pay because you're lazy? also fine, but not for CE
sapiophile: heh
sapiophile: yes, I agree, but I suspect most people don't have the insight to even see a difference in themselves
sapiophile: and it is a very fine line
cluechick: well, that's not really my problem :)
sapiophile: I mean, do you want to beat me because it is hot for you, or because you have a generalized desire to control women?
sapiophile: is that really a valid distinction?
sapiophile: if the former, post on CE; if the latter, post on Promisekeepers.org
cluechick: depends on the person, no?
cluechick: cc is ALWAYS in favor of self-knowledge
sapiophile: right, but I think many people who feel the desire aren't going to look deeper, and I don't think they *have* to. I mean, I like deep thinkiers but lots of valid CE posters aren't interested in that
cluechick: sure. just like people don't *have* to use apostrophes correctly in their ads
cluechick: when they don't, however, I will snark them, and I'm less likely to want to fuck them
cluechick: same goes for a guy who doesn't know himself
sapiophile: right, but those people you tell: improve your ads. not: post elsewhere!
cluechick: true
sapiophile: I think there's a qualitative difference between snarking ("god, what an idiot") and claiming something is inappropriate
sapiophile: so maybe you should post a "if you want to pay for sex because it is kinky, here are some tips"
sapiophile: or "how to tell if you are kinky or just lazy"
cluechick: well, I do think that looking to pay for sex on CE is inappropriate
sapiophile: while you are at it, post "how to tell if you are kinky or just an asshole"
cluechick: outside of the kink frame
sapiophile: I'm saying there IS no "outside the kink frame"
cluechick: how DO you tell if you're kinky or just an asshole?
sapiophile: I think it is an artificial deliniation
sapiophile: I don't know, that's why I was hoping you'd post on it
cluechick: *laugh*
sapiophile: Question of the Day: Dominant? Or Asshole?

Tune in another day for the Dominant or asshole discussion!

Posted by ClueChick at 8:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Open letter to IM boy:

Dear IM boy,

You certainly do seem quite nice, and I'm sure that you would be as fun in bed as you promise, but when I look at pictures of you, I can't help thinking of college boys (which you are) and how much I didn't really go for them even when I was in college. I know that it's not fair to judge someone just on his age, though, which is why I continued to chat with you after our first couple of emails.

You have, however, backed up my ageism, through your incessant insistence that if I would just let you drop by between classes, you're "sure we'd have fun." That was even okay in our early conversations, but now that I have told you, in no uncertain terms, that I have no interest in meeting you, I'm afraid your IMs are beginning to sound a tad... well... desperate.

Of course, it's great that you think I'm hot; I can't think of a woman who doesn't like to hear that, of course. And while it's true that I require my lovers to find me hot, that's actually only one of the things I look for in a partner, even a fuckbuddy type partner.

Perhaps contrarily, I like to think that the people I take to bed don't need me to take them to bed. I like to imagine that they could pick up someone else if it didn't work with me. I like to think they are choosing me, rather than needing me. And so, three months of forlorn IMs asking if I'm free does not work in your favor.

I do wish you luck in your future endeavors, and I encourage you to lay off the high pressure routine, for starters.

Distantly,
Cluechick

Posted by ClueChick at 6:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's important not to let your goal blind you to what the other person is saying:

RandomDude: Hey
ClueChick: Howdy
RandomDude: what's up??
ClueChick: just working. who are you?
RandomDude: you're hot i like ur picx
ClueChick: thanks! do I know you?
RandomDude: your profile says your kinky
ClueChick: sometimes
RandomDude: I like kinky girls in fuck me shoes
ClueChick: I never got into fuck-me shoes
[RandomDude proceeds to send me several links to shoes he thinks are hot]
ClueChick: well, that's not really my sort of thing.
ClueChick: have a good day!
RandomDude: do you like to dominate men?
ClueChick: no, thanks! bye!
RandomDude: if you did like it, what would you want to do to me?
...

Posted by ClueChick at 10:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In Having an IM conversation with a prospective date, I alluded to one of my (admittedly many) pet peeves: the "buzz" feature in Yahoo's IM client. This sparked a storm of agreement among my friends, who shared a variety of stories of other noisy features that people have used to try to get their attention, from a loud smooching sound to a big pair of lips that actually have a 20 second spiel leading up to a loud smooching sound. UGH.

And we've all gotten the overly cutesy email with lots of smilies and cartoonish hearts and flowers and who knows what all else.

To this I say: Just because the feature exists doesn't mean you have to use it. Think about how it might be received. If you're striking up an IM conversation with someone during the work day, they may have a coworker or boss looking over their shoulder at that moment. If you cause them embarrassment upon starting the conversation, I can assure you that things will not turn out well for you. Do the illustrations in your email add to it, or are they just propping up a weak approach?

Counterintuitively, it seems that the people who make the most use of these extra features of communication media are those who are least effective at actually communicating through them. In order to show off, in this case, less is often more.

Posted by ClueChick at 1:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

On Monday, I reviewed Yahoo! Personals, and not particularly favorably. The most interesting thing about having a Yahoo! profile, and the reason I haven't deleted mine, is that even if you don't pay for the service, if you're signed into the Yahoo IM system, people who like your profile can IM you. It sets up a separate IM profile based on your personal profile, so it's not obvious to the people who see your profile who you "really" are.

Naturally, however, this leads to a whole additional set of advice for men striking up IM conversations with women they don't know. Here are a few tips:

1) If you're starting a conversation with me, it's because you've seen my profile, which includes pictures and information about me. Please, for the love of all that's entertaining on the internet, don't pull the, "Hey, baby, what's up?" and expect me to be instantly fascinated by you.

2) It's especially useful if you start the conversation by saying that you saw my profile, what caught your eye about it, and either giving me some information about you or giving me a link to follow to read your profile.

3) I swear I'm going to maim the next guy who starts a conversation with me with a "buzz". This is a function that causes my IM client to make a loud doorbell noise, and it does, in fact, get my attention. But it's extremely intrusive and annoying. There's no need for this -- most people have their IM clients set up so they get notified of messages, and if they don't, it's probably because they don't want to be disturbed.

4) An IM conversation is not an entitlement to my time. I step away from the computer on a regular basis, or I may be working and need to focus on a task. Sending repeated "Are you there?" messages does not impress me. I'll get to you when I have a moment, and if I don't, I've probably left the computer for a while. If you need to leave, you can say something like, "Sorry you had to step away! I hope we can chat another time."

Posted by ClueChick at 9:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)