My lame lack of posting continues, but I'm in the midst of reading an excellent article. So excellent, in fact, that I wish I'd written it. Even though I didn't, I think you all might like it:
Can Women Separate Love and Sex?
(Note: I've only read the first page, and here I am posting it. I hope I don't hate the second half!)
Good morning! It's election day!
In order to encourage you all to vote, I'm initiating a new incentive program: oral sex for votes!
Okay, maybe not... well, some of you qualify, certainly, but in all seriousness: get out there and vote. It's the thing to do. And it definitely gets you a CC point. Collect ten and we can talk about the oral sex offer!
On the one hand, our society's fucked-up perspective on fucking really pisses me off: It's an essential function of life, without which none of us would be here, and is as natural as eating, sleeping or breathing. It feels good, it's good for us, and it's a supremely pleasant way to spend time, especially if you include the foreplay and the post-fuck makeout session in the equation. So why did all the uptight folks who think things that feel good are automatically bad have to get their nasty little knickers in a twist over it?
Thanks to their making sex a taboo topic, marketing firms can use sex to sell everything from beverages to cars to toothpaste but schools can't teach teenagers how to have safe sex and prevent unwanted pregnancies. Does this make sense? Not at all.
But I'll tell you what it does do: It makes for some really fucking hot fetishes. By making all sorts of bits and pieces and aspects of sex forbidden, we all have quirky and unexpected buttons and turnons. Do you think all those cultures where women run around bare-breasted and nursing their babies at every turn get the same thrill at a glimpse of nipple that Americans do? It seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it?
By bringing more issues into sex, we provide for more twists and turns on what gets people off. I'm sure I'd still love the curve of my lover's lower back, the dimples at the top of his ass, even if I got to see naked people all the time, but the fact that I don't gives it an extra thrill. If we didn't bring power into sexual dynamics, I probably wouldn't get off as much on exchanging it with a partner.
Still, I'd trade a couple of kinks for a saner society. Since I don't get to make that trade, though, I might as well take advantage of the silver lining. Or whatever they're calling it these days.
In thinking about Mother's Day, I got to thinking about my own socially progressive lifestyle and what my parents would think about it. I'm lucky that I can talk to my parents about pretty much anything in my life. I don't always, because, after all, they don't need to know how many hash marks I have on my bedframe, but I could, and I appreciate that.
No matter what crazy lifestyle choices I've made, my folks have been accepting and supportive. I'm bringing home two boys for the holidays? No problem. I'm bringing them to dinner at the commune where I spent lots of time? No sweat. I'm introducing them to my girlfriend and her husband? Whatever floats my boat. If I'm happy, they're happy.
But it's more than that. Because they've always desired my happiness, they've encouraged me to explore the paths to achieve that happiness. They may not know what paths I'm taking, but I'm lucky to have them in my corner.
Not everyone is so lucky, of course, but we all come to our lives both burdened and equipped with tools from our families. I hope that your approach to relationships -- casual and otherwise -- are enabled by things you learned from your parents, either things to do, or, perhaps, the ever-popular things not to do.
This is a good time, too, for those of you who have kids to think about how to raise them with a healthy relationship to sex. Are you sending mixed messages through your behavior and your actions? Do you make sex seem dirty or forbidden? How can you help your children come to be sexual beings in a healthy way? They will, you can be sure, be having sex sooner or later. And if you don't help them know how to do it safely and without harm, either emotional or physical, you can't count on our mixed-up culture doing it for you.
Okay, I lied. I did have time to write a few posts before I skipped town.
Today, it's Mother's Day. This would be an excellent time to appreciate the sexy moms in your life. It's also a good time to think hard about the contradictions that moms in our society face. We're all familiar with the madonna/whore conundrum that women in our society face, and it's magnified when you bring motherhood into the picture. There seems to be an idea that once a woman enters the realm of motherhood, her sexuality gets put under wraps, or, at least, pushed aside for the time being, in order for her to subsume herself into the role of mother.
This is what gives the MILF concept its spark. That forbidden fruit carries with it a titillating thrill. By turning the mother (that symbol of pure and ideal womanhood) into the objectified whore, we can brush up against the electric zing of playing with stereotypes and taboos.
Today, I challenge you all to think of the sexy moms you know as sexy in their own right, not because your appreciation of them makes you feel enlightened or progressive or somehow subversive, but because they're hot, and gorgeous and make you wet hard just thinking about them.
Happy Mother's Day to all y'all!
Here's a little something that I've mulled over for years and have never found a solid resolution about:
In case it's not blazingly obvious, I'm white. I grew up in an all white community (no, really, there was one black kid in my junior high for a year, and two Asians in my high school, but we were such a white community that the Asians got folded into the "white" category without anyone seeming to notice) where I never really had a chance to meet -- much less date -- people of other races. For whatever reason, whether social conditioning or media exposure or what, the idea of being with a black guy always appealed to me. Maybe it's because it was one of the few things that got a rise out of my mom when I mentioned it. The point is, though, that I'm a white chick who thinks black guys are, conceptually, quite hot, and in practice, finds lots of them hot on an individual basis, too. Nevertheless, I've never hooked up with a black guy, for a variety of good and bad reasons.
I often see ads on dating sites, CL and others, that specify race, and they more often specify a race other than that of the poster than the same race. Part of me thinks this is a horrible reflection of social racism, but another part of me thinks it might be a healthy outlet for same. After all, here we all are, steeped in a racist society; why shouldn't we all get a little fetishistic pleasure out of the forbidden, or the exotic?
It seems that people tend to look for their own race for longer term dating, or don't mention a desired race while mentioning their own. In casual encounters ads, though, people do specify that they're looking for someone of whatever-other-race, which is probably more an indicator that it's some weird fetishistic thing: broadly, we look for the exotic, or the out of the ordinary, in a fling, but not in someone we expect to take home to mom and dad.
Most people probably don't think much about this sort of thing, even as they're posting the ad. And, hey, I could be seeing something that's not there. But I'll admit that I have the interracial thing is both attractive and repulsive to me, so I'm both intrigued and annoyed by such posts on CL.
Today is Blog Against Sexism Day, which is another one of those silly little invented days that I love. Actually, it's the ones like this that I like over the absurdity of Hallmark holidays. But blogging against sexism is basically what I do every day. After all, the patriarchy thinks that women should be barefoot and pregnant, keeping dinner warm for their men. I, on the other hand, think that women should wear whatever shoes give them the most traction whilst grinding up against the hot fling of their choice, practice safer sex to avoid pregnancy, and pick up sushi (to be eaten cold, of course) with their dates.
I'm rather fond of comfortable shoes, actually, but I had a fellow recently suggest to me that I might look into a pair of fuck-me shoes. I've never really gone in for super high heels, anyway, because I feel silly tottering around in them, but he pointed out that if I'm doing a lot of walking in them, I've probably done something wrong. I laughed and went on my way, but the idea has been planted in my head. Hmm. Fuck me shoes. I like the idea of red ones, with a strap around the ankle.
But I digress. Since not all of my readers have blogs in which to blog against sexism today, I suggest that you all go have some hot sex against sexism instead. I'm certainly hoping to do some of that, myself. But here's why having sex is a political move:
Once upon a time (today), a woman could get stoned for having sex with whomever she pleased. Not all that long ago, sex was far more tightly tied to procreation than it is today, and our newfound reproductive freedoms allow both women and men more opportunities to engage in recreational sex without involuntarily involving a fetus-to-become-a-person. Women practicing their sexual power are, even in the US, radicals who upset the balance of sexist power. Men hooking up with these women are aiding in the overturning of traditional expectations.
So, go out, have some fun, and shake loose the bounds and expectations that the patriarchal tradiiton tries to force on all of us. And, now that I think of it, if you want to blog about it, write it into a comment here!
